17 secrets to the male and female psychology

The 17 Secrets to the Male and Female Psychology are outlined at the bottom of this page (after all the videos). These videos are well worth watching.

Alisa Goodwin Snell


The 17 secrets to the male and female psychology

Male Psychology

  1. Men seek out relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.
  2. Men love through sacrifice.
  3. Men are largely logical about their relationships and commitment. Thus, they do not commit easily to things they have not invested in over a period of time.
  4. Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer.
  5. Men like women who like themselves.
  6. Men love to be heroes.
  7. Men like being appreciated.
  8. Men like femininity.
  9. Men like women who have opinions and assert their needs.
  10. Men pursue women who are approachable and appear to be available.
  11. Good men want sex with a woman who feels good about having sex with them and will wait until marriage (if that’s what she needs).
  12. Men need to be needed.
  13. Men are repelled by criticism, nagging, and whining.
  14. A man experiences anxiety in every conversation a woman initiates until she tells him what she wants him to do.
  15. Men bond through doing activities and talking about things more than they do through talking about people, problems, feelings, or ideas.
  16. Men adore women who give them love, attention, and affection.
  17. Men are often willing to talk openly and honestly when they feel it will help them or another person.

Female Psychology

  1. Women thrive when they feel safe and secure.
  2. Women love through sacrifice but need a man to communicate his needs if that sacrifice is to be helpful rather than hurtful or over-responsible.
  3. Women read into a man’s behavior, get excited, assume commitment, and then get hurt when he pulls away due to the added pressure.
  4. Women are critical of their bodies and fear competition from other women.
  5. Women are attracted to strength and confidence.
  6. Women are turned off by men who are too nice.
  7. Women often fall in love with friends.
  8. Women like to be pursued and to feel wanted.
  9. Women enjoy touch, kissing, and affection but feel vulnerable and prone to shame after sexual contact.
  10. Women want men who hold off sexually. It makes a woman feel respected and wanted rather than feeling like an object.
  11. Women want immediate relationships but trust and value slow-progressing relationships.
  12. Women long to feel adored.
  13. Women are repelled by moping, brooding, and the silent treatment.
  14. Women worry. They need to know they are not alone in dealing with the problems of the relationship.
  15. Women who don’t trust and respect their men fall out of love, especially if there is no communication.
  16. Women like gifts, surprises, reasonable spontaneity, and excitement. The extra effort makes them feel special.
  17. Women would rather have open and honest communication about misdeeds than to be protected from the truth.

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Do you act anxious, avoidant, or secure in relationships?

Everyone wants lasting love and secure attachments, but sadly many people don’t act in a way that supports such. For instance, singles often engage in a pursue/withdraw dance that appears too eager or too indifferent, whereas couples frequently get caught in patterns of criticism, nagging, and whining followed by withdrawal, resent, and disconnection (or vice versa). Discover if you’re acting anxious or avoidant in your dating and relationships and how you can become secure (individually and as a couple).

Do you act anxious, avoidant, or secure in your relationships?

It is easy to describe what secure relationships look like but much harder to create them. Secure attachments only occur when both partners choose to be Available, Responsive, and Engaged (A.R.E.) relative to the other’s feelings, needs, and happiness [Johnson, Sue, Ph.D., Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Little, Brown and Company; 1st edition (2008), pp 57-58].

The problem is, a partner’s behaviors can unintentionally push or drive the other (or even themselves) emotionally away from the relationship. For example, a woman who calls, texts, or encourages a date may seem too eager (evidence of anxious attachment) to which her potential date may unconsciously experience more apathy or decreased attraction (evidence of an avoidant response). A husband who feels that he’s unappreciated for all he does to please his wife may become indifferent to her complaints (evidence of avoidant feelings and behaviors) until her nagging (evidence of her anxious feelings and behaviors) can’t be ignored. To this, the wife might respond that it is his indifference and passiveness that drives her insecurities and subsequent nagging.

The solution to this pursue/withdraw dance is for both parties to learn how to recognize when they’re acting anxious or avoidant and to choose behaviors that are available, responsive, and emotionally engaged instead. This can be challenging if they don’t understand the 4 Things that Drive Anxious and Avoidant Attachments and how these things are affecting them, their partner, or the singles community (which is full of such issues).

It is natural for those who are anxiously attached to see themselves as Read more

The Myth of Attraction

iStock_000001483451SmallBefore movies and magazines proliferated our society, one’s perception of attraction was limited to the real people they knew in their community. Thus, normal, average people were often seen as beautiful in a variety of ways, and the occasionally striking were allowed to be seen as less so as they aged. This encouraged realistic expectations that did not associate exceptional beauty as the defining quality that makes someone lovable. Relationships were based on more conventional and healthy expectations.

These days movies, magazines, and commercials immortalize the young and photographically altered, creating a myth that exceptionally beautiful people are more abundantly available than is the reality. This misperception leaves singles with the belief that if they wait, they’ll eventually date someone similar to the ideal they desire (independent of their level of attractiveness or relationship skills). If their current partner does not fit this ideal, they need not commit. They can find someone better.

Thus, unrealistic expectations of attraction become a distraction from singles’ deeper issues, thinking errors, and fears. A superior partner is a measure of their success, a personal reflection on themselves, and a statement of their lovability.

However, if being with an attractive partner was the solution then why do so many singles walk away from relationships with highly desirable partners, stating that they simply don’t feel a connection?

The real solution

As a dating and relationship coach, I know that both genders equally engage in this dance. Men may be more Read more