10 reasons you’re NOT dating the people you want to date

As a dating coach, I often have to level with people about why they aren’t dating the people they really want to date and what it’s going to take to get the relationships they want.

10 reasons why you’re not dating the people you want to date

Provided below are 10 common reasons singles aren’t dating the people they want to date. The links below are provided for Lasting Love Academy members to learn how to break these patterns. Log in or join today.


1. You’re NOT pursuing the people you really want to date. Instead of taking action and flirting or pursuing a conversation or telephone number you’re letting your fears get in the way and stop you.

2. You lack knowledge about what to do or say to get more attention and dates.

3. You’re not taking action or going where other singles are.

4. You’re acting passively in dating, so the relationships you get into you’re not passionate about and while in them you feel consumed with doubts or worries about settling.

5. You’re waiting for the best option to appear and acting like a window shopper or a browser in your relationships (instead of a buyer). This leaves you wandering from one shop (or relationship) to another worrying about missing something better. In the end, you never buy (or love deeply), you just keep shopping (and losing love).

6. You’re trying to date people who are more attractive and accomplished than you are so you’re experiencing frequent rejection.

7. You’re making excuses and engaging in thinking errors that are driving others away.

8. You feel inadequate or insecure, and so you doubt that you can get or deserve more from your relationships.

9. You keep dating the bad boy or toxic girl or wasting your time giving the best of you to those who don’t invest in you.

10. You don’t realize that you’re misreading social interaction and as such triggering rejection.

If you are successful in getting the first date but not second dates, you’ll be interested in discovering Why Men Back Off and Why Women Reject Men.

To use the links above, you need to get access to the Lasting Love Academy. Log in or join today.


4 ways to learn more

  • Schedule a free 30-minute consultation

    Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.

  • Get Stage 0, which will lay a foundation for you to move forward

  • Get the Relationship Package (if you are already in a relationship), so you can lay a more solid foundation while also learning how to enhance your current relationship
  • Get Everything, because you are not currently in a relationship and need to learn how to lay a solid foundation and navigate all 5 stages of the dating process.

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