Like many singles I struggled with an attraction to intense and dramatic relationship.
In the short audio below, I talk about how I made a conscious choice to love, value, and appreciate good men who were less dramatic and adoring but much more stable, consistent, healthy, and committed.
This process was not instantaneous. It required diligence, persistence, and ongoing commitment. To do this I knew that I had to make a conscious choice to recognize and avoid the people and relationships that were often more emotionally appealing to me. These people tended to lack many of the signs of empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility that I knew were essential to healthy relationships. If I chose to engage in these relationships I knew I would end up getting sucked back into my old unhealthy patterns. I saw myself at a crossroads in which I could not choose to walk two diverging paths. So I chose my path with a commitment to not look back. My only prayer was, “HOW and WHAT do I need to do choose and love good men.”
I hope you find this short audio helpful. Many of you, like me, are vulnerable to the emotions that unhealthy relationships tend to elicit. This can cause you to think that normal relationships are boring and you will only feel a strong emotional connection in toxic relationships. This is simply not true. You have to learn how to love and enjoy healthy relationships but the rewards are well worth it. In fact, you’ll find your emotional connections only get stronger with time, especially if you invest fully in the relationship and are actively committed and loyal to it.
Please note the following links are only available within the Lasting Love Academy, but you can join for free for 7-days (with no obligation thereafter). To join, click this link and complete the process, then you can return to this page and all the links below will work for you).
- How I made a conscious choice to love, appreciate, and enjoy good men (minute 0:0).
- The difference between healthy versus addictive chemistry and how I came to recognize my triggers and behaviors that made me vulnerable to unhealthy people who lacked empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility (minute 2:40).
- What I did when I recognized old feelings and longings for a previous toxic relationship (minute 4:10).
- What actions I took to love and embrace the good man I married (minute 5:30).
- How to help healthy people to make you feel more loved and adored in your relationship and the 7-to-eleven rule (which can be found at minute 43 on the audio found at this page) (minute 7:10).
- What I do now and every day to make sure I do not let my old vulnerabilities back in (minute 9:10).
I hope you find my story and experiences helpful. Although I talk about my experience as being one of learning to love a good man, this process is just as applicable to learning how to love good and healthy women.
Love truly is a choice. You can do this. You can choose the relationships that you know makes the most sense and you can love your choice.
I look forward to reading your comments and questions.
4 ways to learn more
Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.
- Get Stage 0, which will lay a foundation for you to move forward
- Get the Relationship Package (if you are already in a relationship) so you can lay a more solid foundation while also learning how to enhance your current relationship
- Get Everything, because you are not currently in a relationship and need to learn how to lay a solid foundation and navigate all 5 stages of the dating process.