“What do I do when he say’s he’ll call and he doesn’t?”

This week’s dating advice answered a Lasting Love Academy member’s question:

“What do I do when a guys says he’ll call on a specific day but he doesn’t? Instead he texts me a few days later and just says hi.”

pic of me small with softer lighting

I suggest that you keep a 5:1 ratio. That’s 5 positives to every negative. So respond with warmth, letting him know you are glad he contacted.

Here are a couple of options of what you could say by message or text. Choose the one that works best for you.


Option 1: Warm, feminine, and encouraging while commenting on the missed phone call and leaving him to take more responsibility.

“I love hearing from you. Thanks for the text. I hope you had a great weekend. I was concerned when I didn’t hear from you on Saturday. Is everything okay? ;-)” Let him respond but be sure to end the text with, “Let me know when you would like to talk on the phone. I’d love to talk with you.”

Option 2: Casual, encouraging, and clear that you want to talk on the phone.

“Hi! I’m so glad to hear from you. I had a fun weekend. It would be great to talk on the phone and hear about your weekend.” Let him respond but be sure to end the text with, “I would be available tonight after 6 or tomorrow around noon to talk on the phone. Let me know if you would like to talk then or call when it is convenient for you. If I miss your call, leave a message. I promise to call back. I hope to talk with you soon. ;-)”

Option 3: Fun, playful, encouraging, and clear

“Good morning handsome! It’s always good to hear from you. Let’s talk. I’d love to hear your voice! I’ll be available to talk after 6 p.m. tonight. I hope to talk with you soon. ;-)”

If he didn’t call when he said he would, and you haven’t heard from him since:

Wait a few days to give him a chance to contact you, then send him a text or voice message that says, “I didn’t hear from you on Saturday. Is everything okay?” Wait for his response. If he responds, be sure to end by saying you would love him to call.

As you will notice, some of these options comment on the fact that he didn’t call while the others focus on the fact that you want to talk on the phone. There are specific reasons why I focused on both of those messages. 1) I don’t want you to waste your time in endless texting, 2) I want him to invest in calling you, which gives you more ways to increase the positive interactions and encourage meaningful communication, and 3) I want you to feel confident that you were warm but also clear about your interest in talking with him. In this way if he doesn’t call, you will know it is because he dropped the ball, not because you were unclear or cold. Please note, if he has forgotten or failed to call more than two to three times than it’s becoming a pattern and you will definitely need to comment on it or it will continue.

I hope these examples help.

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    Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.

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