I’m often asked, “What’s the best way to reject a man?” Let me first explain why it is important to reject a man.

The number one need of a man is to feel that you have faith and trust in him and his competence. When you lie, make excuses, avoid his calls, or cancel a date at the last minute rather than telling him that you aren’t interested, you are telling him that he is not capable of handling the truth (i.e. he is weak or insecure).

He is a man. He is capable. He will recover quickly (often in minutes) and he will forget about the reject and move on. What he thinks of himself is not tied to whether or not you like him. So have more faith in him. He will be okay. And even if you doubt this, trust him into the care of God. He and God will work this out. God has a plan for him, intends for all men to be strong, confident, and successful, and will work with him until he is.

So show your faith and trust in a man by meeting his eyes, acting warm and gracious, and then simply saying, “I am so flattered, but I just don’t feel that kind of connection with you. Thank you so much though.” Say, “I don’t feel a connection” rather than saying, “I don’t feel any chemistry.” Men prefer hearing it that way because it seems less of an affront to their attractiveness or charisma and more about personal compatibility. Once you have said this, walk away, repeating in your mind, He is a man. He is strong and capable, or He and God will work this out. He will be okay. As you say this, it will calm your anxiety because it’s true.

4 ways to learn more

  • Schedule a free 30-minute consultation

    Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.

  • Get Stage 0, which will lay a foundation for you to move forward

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