7 signs he sees you as a pal not a gal

Most single women eliminate their chances of getting a man’s attention, affection, and commitment simply because they fail to act like a gal and, in consequence, can only be seen as a pal. Fortunately, it’s not you—it’s your technique, and anyone can change their technique.

To identify if you act like a pal instead of a gal, ask yourself the following:

  1. Do I occasionally tilt my head and smile at him from across the room, look away, and then look back again?
  2. Do I ever cross my legs and gently tap my foot in his direction or slowly play with my hair, jewelry, or a pen when he is near?
  3. Do I act feminine when I talk with him (i.e., soften and fluctuate my voice, talk with my hands, tilt my hips, cross my legs, or touch him briefly)?
  4. Do I let him open my door or accept his offers of help?
  5. Do I make him feel needed, trusted, and appreciated?
  6. Do I express to him my feelings, needs, or opinions—and in a manner that demonstrates my faith that he cares?
  7. Do I leave the conversation early, at a high point, rather than waiting for him to say he has to go?

Engaging in feminine and flirtatious behaviors like these is not about you and getting attention. It is about him—about making him feel great. To understand this, you must first learn the secrets to the male psychology:

  • Men seek out relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.
  • Men develop love through sacrifice (theirs—not yours).
  • Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer.
  • Men like women who like themselves.
  • Men like femininity.
  • Men pursue women who appear approachable and available.
  • Men like women who have opinions and assert their needs (especially when they communicate in a way that is respectful, clear, and direct).
  • Men need to be needed.
  • Men love to feel like heroes.
  • Men like being appreciated.

Once a woman learns these secrets to the male psychology, she can begin to understand why:

  • Acting cool, casual, indifferent, and flat in her body language (i.e. acting like a pal), tells a man she does not have faith in him or trust his ability to respect her feminine, vulnerable, or softer side.
  • Giving a man her number, calling him, or asking him out (without his pursuit of these things first) robs him of the challenge, sacrifice, and accomplishment that he needs to engage in if he is to value and appreciate her.
  • Refusing a man’s help not only tells him he is not needed or important, it also denies him the opportunity to experience her appreciation and to feel like a hero.

Some women may argue that acting feminine, warm, approachable, available, and appreciative of a man’s time, investment (financially, emotionally, or physically), and help is merely acting weak and too accommodating, and, as such, likely to turn a man off. But most men will agree, if she does all these things while also expressing her opinions and asserting her needs, she will only appear to like herself all the more and increase his excitement, interest, and investment in her as well. This is especially the case if she understands the importance of expressing herself without criticism, nagging, and whining and ends contact during the high point of the evening rather than two hours later (the result: he longs for more time with her rather than worrying about how he can escape the conversation).

So, to ensure men see you as a gal and not a pal, simply learn to show more faith in their goodness, their desire to please, their willingness to invest in you and the relationship, and their ability to respond with gentleness when you act soft and feminine.

4 ways to learn more

  • Schedule a free 30-minute consultation

    Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.

  • Get Stage 0, which will lay a foundation for you to move forward

  • Get the Relationship Package (if you are already in a relationship) so you can lay a more solid foundation while also learning how to enhance your current relationship
  • Get Everything, because you are not currently in a relationship and need to learn how to lay a solid foundation and navigate all 5 stages of the dating process.


2 thoughts on “7 signs he sees you as a pal not a gal

  • Your comments hold true for the most part. However, like in everything in life there must be balance. There is a difference between letting a man help you out and feel like the “hero” and overburdening him so he feels like the “Porter” or servant. Men who feel used or abused with no return of praise, gratitude or affection soon become embittered and disinterested.

    I think that in all relationships there need to be a balance of opportunities to help each other and to by served by each other. A couple is strengthened by enjoying both. The give and take between two people makes their bonds stronger.

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