“I can’t bring myself to hang out anymore.” —Q&A

Q—“I don’t mean to be anti-social but I am tired of hanging out with my guy friends (or as a large group of friends). I loved what you said that hanging out is not real investment and doesn’t make a woman feel safe and secure. I am sick of not feeling like a priority. Too often I get text messages instead of real investment through phone calls and I can never really tell if a guy is interested in really getting to know me through text. Any suggestions.”

A—I suggest that you open yourself up to hang out with your friends once or twice a month and to avoid becoming too comfortable and socially withdrawn. When hanging out, flirt but leave the evening at a high point. Let a man at the event  know that you would love him to call you sometime and then forget about hanging out again for a few weeks.

When men text you, respond to each text, “Wow. I would love to talk to you about that. Give me a call sometime after six tonight. It was great to hear from you.” This is a great way to lovingly guide them to invest real energy into you.

And when a guy invites you to do something, don’t leave the situation without asking, “That sounds like a lot of fun, but I never know how to act if I don’t ask. Is this hanging out or a date because I treat both differently?” Then let him define which one it is. Most likely he will say it is a date. If he says it’s hanging out, touch him on the arm and warmly reply, “I would love to do something with you but I save my weekends for dates. We could possibly hang out during the week on occasion although. Thank you for thinking of me. It would be fun to get together every once in a while.” With this technique you look like a woman who knows what you are worth and that you date on weekends, not hang out – which is a waste of your time.

I hope this helps. The dating coach program has hundreds of techniques like these to help with such situations. Here’s a link to learn more.

Good luck, Alisa

4 ways to learn more

  • Schedule a free 30-minute consultation

    Alisa Goodwin Snell is a dating and relationship coach who spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist. She’s written 7 books for singles, created numerous audios, videos, and articles, is a popular public speaker, and has been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide. Learn more.

  • Get Stage 0, which will lay a foundation for you to move forward

  • Get the Relationship Package (if you are already in a relationship) so you can lay a more solid foundation while also learning how to enhance your current relationship
  • Get Everything, because you are not currently in a relationship and need to learn how to lay a solid foundation and navigate all 5 stages of the dating process.

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