Talking to a girl I like is hard—and I am a social guy

Talking is somewhat my forte. However, talking to a girl I’m interested in with the intent of asking her out is a horrifying experience.

I’ll give you an example. There is a girl who goes to the same church I do. We’ve spoken a few times at church functions, and seem to get along. We have a lot of mutual friends. Last Sunday we struck up a conversation. “How was your week?” I asked.

“It was amazing,” she answered.

“Why was it so amazing?” I asked.

She then listed off a slew of fun things she’d done during the week. I admire a girl who gets out and does stuff . . . so this made me even more attracted to her and, therefore, even more nervous. I really wanted to ask her for her number. Instead, my brain shut down, and I said something like, “Well, next time you do something awesome like that, you should let me know.”

Without missing a beat, she said, “Ok, I’ll have Sally text you to invite you to my next awesome thing.” She totally called me out, and rather than taking the hint, I just said, “Ok,” and ran.

I left church that day feeling like a complete moron. In fact, I felt like a moron all week. Why couldn’t I just have the courage to ask her for her number and set up a date? She was obviously interested.

That weekend, I bumped into her again at a party. I decided it was time to man up and take charge. I walked up to her, gave her a hug, then apologized by telling her what a doofus I was. I asked her for her number then and there, and joked that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

I figured that since I was on a roll, I might try to continue my streak. I ended up getting three phone numbers at the party. I was proud. Getting phone numbers has always been a huge personal struggle for me.  Really, the only way to overcome our fears is to confront them head on.

I still have a lot of work to do, but progress is being made. The next big step is asking for the number of a girl I haven’t met before. Cross your fingers for me.

5 thoughts on “Talking to a girl I like is hard—and I am a social guy

  • I love her response, and good for you for not missing the second opportunity! I don’t envy you guys having to make the first move like that. I get so shy about even making eye contact with someone I don’t know.

    This is probably my own insecurity speaking, and it would depend on what I knew of the guy, but if I were to find out that someone who’d gotten my number at a party had gotten several other numbers at the same time, I might tend to think he was a bit of a player.

    • That was very positive and well-stated feedback and one I am sure Jim will be glad to hear. Thanks for your comment and respectful way of bringing awareness to the reality of how many women may feel about this situation and how they might interpret it differently than Jim may have realized or intended. Best wishes, Alisa

    • Mel, it’s true. I admit, I could be perceived as a player. It never really crossed my mind, to be honest. More than anything, I just want to practice my technique so I can rid myself of my fears and hopefully find a great girl to date.

      I’m always interested to see things from another angle, especially a female one. Thanks for your comment!

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