From something self-centered to something magical

I wanted to mention a couple of things I’ve been experiencing and learning since attending your seminar last month.

First, Saturday night I had a first date with one of the girls I met at the last seminar, and it was the best date I’ve had in a long while.

Lately I’ve had dates with several wonderful women and had a lot of fun on the dates, but then left the date feeling a bit deflated, like something had been missing.  I left this one feeling magic.  There was chemistry between us.  She’s intelligent, beautiful, and charming.  I couldn’t help notice that part of that charm, and part of what made me take very naturally to my role in the process and created much of the magic, is that she acted so feminine with me!  It made her exciting, and made me feel so good and so inspired to please her and be her hero.  And there was a little physical touch, like when at the end of the date she spontaneously hugged me.  I left her doorstep in a glow, unable to get her out of my head and already planning the next date . . .

I think you’re so right that women in dating should be feminine and men should be masculine and strong—that we each have our part in this dance.  Without that, you’ve got two people who may have a lot in common, may like one another and have fun, but how will they experience romance, and how will they make one another feel great?

Second, just thinking that a big part of my purpose is to make the other person feel great gets me out of myself, makes me a bolder, less self-conscious flirt, and reminds me that—of course!—it’s not all about me.  In flirting more openly and giving out deserved compliments wherever I can, I’m making women feel desirable, flattered, and happy, even if nothing else comes of it.  And there’s something about experiencing yourself as the source of someone else’s happiness—that happiness immediately rebounds on you!  I’m rediscovering how wonderful it is to make other people happy and making it a more conscious goal in my life.

You’re not only helping people to be remarkably more successful in dating; you’re helping to change the whole process from something self-centered to something life-giving and from an aimless post-modern ramble in which two people with no gender roles perpetually “hang out” into one in which they rediscover their own natural roles and the amazing “other” that is the opposite sex, and know how to move forward toward a lasting relationship.

When I was a little kid we had this picture book called The Magic Next Door, in which a young boy gets to know the new girl next door and becomes fascinated with this creature so different from him who can do magical things, like cartwheels!  The purpose of the book is to help boys and girls to appreciate their differences, value them, and respect the natural awe they have for them.  But now that we’re grown boys and girls we’ve been sold this bill of goods that we aren’t or shouldn’t be that different—that we should bury our differences deep inside, that no one should be the chaser and no one the chased (or chaste!), but that we should both act like same-gender friends and “hang out” to see if anything happens all by itself.  It’s like putting two chemicals in separate containers next to each other on the shelf and waiting for the reaction!  Where there’s no contact between their different essences, and no spark between them, there can be no chemistry.  Where there are no differences, there is no magic.

It seems that part of your work—your mission—is to bring back the magic.  And it is something that I not only greatly benefit from, but that I profoundly believe in.

For all of it, thank you!


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