Q—I’m just not sure how to approach these situations.  I have two guys that family and friends have set me up with, and both live 300 miles away. We have talked on the phone, and they have expressed interest in coming up to see me, but how do I handle that, saying you should drive up for this or that play, concert, etc. (as they have suggested)? I don’t want them to be wasting their time driving up and it being my idea, the girl. I don’t want that to be awkward. It’s hard knowing how to encourage things like this when the sacrifices involved are so big. What do you suggest?

A—I suggest you look at these long-distance dating opportunities as a potential waste of your time or theirs. Anything more than 200 (and definitely 300) miles is just too far away (unless they have family in your town, are going to school in your town, or vice versa) to really create a strong and realistic connection. I know many people will disagree with this, but as a dating-coach and marriage counselor, I see  many relationships that either go nowhere or turn sour and end in divorce because the parties never really got to know each other in living so far away. The truth is, there are many men in your area that you could build a lasting relationship with. I would focus on them.

So, to answer this question, just encourage these men to call you if they are coming into town so you can meet, but also state that you realize building a long-distance relationship with them is unrealistic and that you know it’s best for both of you to focus your efforts closer to home.

I hope this helps. Good luck,
Alisa

Category:
2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 5 - The first six weeks of dating, On-line dating

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