Alisa,

The guy I’m supposed to go out with on Saturday canceled at the last minute last week and hasn’t called to confirm our plans this weekend. I feel like he isn’t trying very hard or that he may even be brushing me off. What’s your take? After, or maybe when, he calls, should I give him the friendly but cold shoulder? Should I put him on my B list and let him know? He’s a guy who keeps being bounced from my A to B list (from the looks of it, he has my must-have top 5 and a fair number of the other 5. We have a connection most of the time, but then he does things like I’ve explained above :-(.

Alisa’s response

I suggest  you use positive language to reframe what you want him to do differently.

For example, state, “I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you and I really appreciate the time we spend together.” Then pause, tilt your head, and flirtatiously smile, adding, “I must admit something, though. As women, we tend to analyze everything guys do so we can understand what they are thinking. So you need to know that when guys reschedule dates or don’t plan ahead we start to think they aren’t that interested or into us. I totally get that you were sick last week and so you needed to cancel. I just thought I’d let you know because I’d hate to accidentally misunderstand your intentions.”

Then smile and give him a hug or change the subject to how his work is going.

The point of doing this is to comment on his behavior so he knows that how he acts sends a message,  at the same time giving him an idea of what kind of behavior you need. It’s always better to continue acting very warm while you spell out what you want. Remember the general rule: If in doubt, spell it out.

I think you are wise to comment on things like this especially if they happen more than two or three times, but how you do it can make a lot of difference.

I hope this helps.
Good luck,
Alisa

Category:
2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 4 - Avoid Common traps, Things women wished men knew

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