Well, I did it. I rejected someone.

This is not an easy thing to do as a girl. The guilt we feel is too much; we hate hurting people. The only thing I hate worse than rejecting someone is feeling like I am going against what I know to be the right thing to do. I know it’s the right thing to do to kindly let someone know you aren’t interested, but why is it so daunting?

After I told him how I felt in a kind way and then walked away so as to show him I know that he can handle it, I felt a sigh of relief. I had finally been honest with myself and with someone else. I realize that I am such a people pleaser that I avoid having to reject someone. But I actually had a positive experience with rejecting this man—he complimented me and we both walked away with our heads held high, and for that I’m grateful.

Category:
3 - Managing rejection, Things women wished men knew
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Join the conversation! 5 Comments

  1. I would love to hear what you said in your conversation with him. I have a really hard time with rejecting men as well which is part of what makes dating so stressful for me. I guess I feel like I have to give a reason why, and it could be anything from “you don’t seem like someone with integrity” to “you’re a little too goofy” or “I’m just not attracted to you”. Or if it’s someone who asks me out, and I just know they are not someone I want to go out with and say ‘no’, it seems like such a harsh rejection because I haven’t really spent any time with them, it’s just a feeling.

    I’ve put my dating on hold for awhile while I work some things out, but after I had gone out with one guy (who is still a friend) a couple of times, I told him that I just didn’t feel the right chemistry. My delivery felt and was completely awkward, but it was an honest statement, and I felt so much better after telling him that, and the friendship was able to stay in tact.

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  2. Melanie,

    I’m glad to hear that you have a hard time with this too! I agonize over what to say. It’s true that we feel like we need a reason, when most times, I can’t even pin point a reason. At Alisa’s suggestions, all I said was, “I am so flattered by the attention you have been giving me. I appreciate the time we’ve spent together. I, unfortunately, don’t feel a connection that way but have appreciated getting to know you.”

    Alisa will probably have something way more smooth that you should say, but that’s what I said. I hope it helps!

    Reply
  3. As a guy, I have been somewhat harsh on women who had a hard time being honest…until I need to do it myself. I had a dear friend who kept leaving subtle and not-so-subtle hints she wanted to date, and my response, for the longest time, was to play stupid and just ignore them. As has been mentioned above, when I finally told her how I felt, it was a big relief, although I do usually agonize over the timing and manner of the clarification. I agree, you shouldn’t get much into reasons unless you have been dating for a long time. If you commented, for instance, on his integrity, he would want you to explain yourself and give him specific examples, and it could turn into an unhealthy back-and-forth that would have no benefits.

    Honesty and forthrightness are always best, but over time, I have tried to recognize when a woman is not interested, even if she isn’t saying it outright. To the posters on this thread, I appreciate your sensitivity as well as your honesty.

    Reply
  4. Dave, What validation! I agree that honesty and forthrightness is best, it’s sometimes difficult, but usually the best in the end. Thanks for your comment.

    Reply
  5. *Slow clap!* Well done. I applaud you for your honesty.

    Reply

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