Playing the field like a one-man band

Hi everyone. My name is Jim and I’m a date-a-holic.

I go on lots of dates. Sometimes too many. Unfortunately, these dates are rarely repeat customers. I guess you could say I know how to flirt, but not how to convert.

Currently, I’m in a very nasty predicament. Last weekend, I took a girl out twice (we’ll call her Erica). Erica and I have known each other for a few months now. For a while, my roommate pursued her.  When he gave up (as men are wont to do), I decided to ask her out, seeing as I had always sensed an air of flirtiness when she was around me.

Both dates went really well. We had great chemistry. Were flirting and enjoying ourselves while talking openly and honestly about life. It was so refreshing . . . until the end of date two.

You guys, she busted out the big guns and blindsided me with the forbidden “I love you” bombshell!

Holy premature confessions of commitment, Batman!

I’m a guy, so obviously everything on my insides automatically exploded into reaction mode. I mean, I’m already skittish when it comes to commitment, and although our time together had been fantastic, her confession of affection quickly put me on my heels. I had no idea how to respond . . . and so I did what I always do in an awkward situation: I laughed. I laughed until the uncomfortable feeling went away. Basically, I laughed for a solid 3 minutes.

She laughed too, but I don’t know if it was because she thought I (or my reaction) was funny, or if she just didn’t want to appear hurt, or if she didn’t want add to the already uber-awkward situation.

The funny thing about this whole mess is that this type of thing happens to me a lot. I go through potential girlfriends quickly because they often grow attached in a very short period of time . . . and I don’t know how to say no.

This needs to stop if I ever want to have a serious, healthy, and functional relationship. I’m in my first week of the “It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique” program. I’ve already learned a lot about myself and set some goals to fix this problem with my game. This week, I’m compiling a list of 10 traits and characteristics that I really want in a wife. I’m going to use this list to help me avoid pursuing girls for convenience sake or for shallow reasons.

My first goal: I will say no to people. I’ve been a yes-man my whole life. It adds stress, confusion, drama, and it just makes me miserable. This week, I’m committed to tell people (even girls) no when I’m invited to do something or be with someone I’m not interested in.

My second goal: I will show faith in the goodness of women. I love women, but I often fall into the trap of referring to them negatively by saying that they are confusing, dramatic, or altogether frustrating. This mentality just facilitates my discouragement.

The dating world is a strange and mysterious place filled with unexpected encounters and all-too-often do-or-die situations that rarely, if ever, end up with an “I do.” Let’s see if I can change the outcome.

Wish me luck!

7 thoughts on “Playing the field like a one-man band

  • Wow! It is so refreshing to get the guy’s side of the story.

    I can’t believe she said that after only 2 dates! What on earth was she thinking?

    I’m glad you are writing. I always wonder what the guys are thinking.


  • @DK I’m glad that you’re glad… I’m excited to share some insight with you. If you have any questions to shoot my way, feel free to do so, and keep commenting! It’s great to know someone is listening.

  • Dear Jim,

    Thank-you for choosing to progress and really figure out what you are looking for. There are far too many guys with the mindset of dating as a use of time but not for progression. My married sister just yesterday said “So, if guys ask you out now are they interested…or do they just want to get to know you…or do they like you.” I told her that is the question of the year! It’s good to know that there are guys who will make effort clearly when they are interested, and if they dont’ make effort and say “No” they aren’t.

    Good luck on your new quest.

  • Jim, Welcome aboard! I’m excited to hear your perspective and get your feedback for us clueless girls! Thanks for your honesty in this witty post. I enjoyed reading it!

  • It nice to hear a guys side of things. I am always wonding what A guy is thinks about dating. So I am glad that you are willing to share.

  • Jim,

    Excellent post. Girls are sometimes so silly. (I used to be one of those. ;)) I’ve learned for me that it’s really about being patient and seeing if you really like the person and seeing if they have the qualities you want in a spouse. For me, that’s pretty hard to determine in only two dates. 🙂 I’ve also learned that overloading the acquaintance at the start isn’t productive or balanced. Just let it ride. 🙂

    “I love you,” is a pretty strong declaration, on the 2nd date! Holy Cow! Talk about giving it all up in the beginning. 🙂

    That’s awesome that you’re willing to look at yourself and see what you can change. Excellent quality to develop. I’ve gone through some self-introspection and work towards change as well. It’s a wonderful feeling.

    Good to know what a guy is thinking, too. 🙂

    Best of Luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s