I go on lots of dates. Sometimes too many. Unfortunately, these dates are rarely repeat customers. I guess you could say I know how to flirt, but not how to convert.
Currently, I’m in a very nasty predicament. Last weekend, I took a girl out twice (we’ll call her Erica). Erica and I have known each other for a few months now. For a while, my roommate pursued her. When he gave up (as men are wont to do), I decided to ask her out, seeing as I had always sensed an air of flirtiness when she was around me.
Both dates went really well. We had great chemistry. Were flirting and enjoying ourselves while talking openly and honestly about life. It was so refreshing . . . until the end of date two.
You guys, she busted out the big guns and blindsided me with the forbidden “I love you” bombshell!
Holy premature confessions of commitment, Batman!
I’m a guy, so obviously everything on my insides automatically exploded into reaction mode. I mean, I’m already skittish when it comes to commitment, and although our time together had been fantastic, her confession of affection quickly put me on my heels. I had no idea how to respond . . . and so I did what I always do in an awkward situation: I laughed. I laughed until the uncomfortable feeling went away. Basically, I laughed for a solid 3 minutes.
She laughed too, but I don’t know if it was because she thought I (or my reaction) was funny, or if she just didn’t want to appear hurt, or if she didn’t want add to the already uber-awkward situation.
The funny thing about this whole mess is that this type of thing happens to me a lot. I go through potential girlfriends quickly because they often grow attached in a very short period of time . . . and I don’t know how to say no.
This needs to stop if I ever want to have a serious, healthy, and functional relationship. I’m in my first week of the “It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique” program. I’ve already learned a lot about myself and set some goals to fix this problem with my game. This week, I’m compiling a list of 10 traits and characteristics that I really want in a wife. I’m going to use this list to help me avoid pursuing girls for convenience sake or for shallow reasons.
My first goal: I will say no to people. I’ve been a yes-man my whole life. It adds stress, confusion, drama, and it just makes me miserable. This week, I’m committed to tell people (even girls) no when I’m invited to do something or be with someone I’m not interested in.
My second goal: I will show faith in the goodness of women. I love women, but I often fall into the trap of referring to them negatively by saying that they are confusing, dramatic, or altogether frustrating. This mentality just facilitates my discouragement.
The dating world is a strange and mysterious place filled with unexpected encounters and all-too-often do-or-die situations that rarely, if ever, end up with an “I do.” Let’s see if I can change the outcome.
Wish me luck!