I recently had a conversation with one of the most stunningly beautiful, smart, accomplished, fun, grounded, talented girls I know and was STUNNED to find out she has never dated anyone. What?!  How is this possible? I thought to myself.

So after watching her at a  recent party, I realized guys have no clue she’s willing to go with them—no affirming “It’s been great talking to you.  I’d like to talk more later.”  No head tilt.  No feminine gestures.  True, she was still witty, funny, articulate, and beautiful . . . and it hit me—it’s not her, it’s her technique. So I guess my question is, how do I help my friend in a very kind, subtle way?

Also, I wanted to thank you for your advice on long-distance relationships. As mentioned before, I’ve been away for work the past few weeks and was nervous about building the relationship when we were so far apart. However, by focusing on future activities, I found our conversations to be much more productive in helping the relationship progress, and we didn’t get bored over the phone.  So thanks once again, Alisa!

Alisa’s response: It’s amazing how many great women there are out there who don’t know how to make men feel great. Many women think flirting is beneath them, but the whole purpose of flirting (and pursuing) is supposed to be about making the opposite sex feel great. And when they feel great, they want more time with you, they want to get closer to you, and they want to get to know you.

I suggest that you gently prepare her for this conversation by sending her a text, e-mail, or voice message. State, “I realized something the other day that may really be helpful to you in getting more dates. If you’re interested, give me a call so I can share it with you.” This will help prepare her to listen to your advice. Then, when she calls, try to explain what you saw when she was interacting with men and what you have learned about the 17 secrets to the male psychology (click here to get a copy) and the behaviors men need from women in order to feel great (which is different from the way she may think they need it).

Most likely, she will be relieved to learn that it’s not her—it’s her technique.

Good luck, and I ‘m glad to hear your relationship is going well,

Alisa

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2 - Flirting & Pursuing, Blogs - Step by step goals for you to try
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Join the conversation! 1 Comment

  1. Thank you for this post. I’ve been paying closer attention to my conversations and have noticed that I don’t verbalize how much I’ve enjoyed talking to someone or that I’d enjoy talking to them again. I’ve made a goal to make sure I touch a guy on the arm and at the very least say “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you”. I still struggle with feeling to forward by saying “I’d love it if you called me sometime”, but I’m working on it. Thanks for this post!

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