I’m confident in all aspects of my life EXCEPT for dating. I’m not sure why this is. As I’ve talked with both male and female friends, I’ve found this to be a common concern—which was nice to know. I also learned something that surprised me big time!
I talked to a girl who I thought was the epitome of confidence in dating. I expressed how impressed I was with her confidence, and she said, “Well, that’s mostly fake.”
This shocked me! And it taught me that people really can come across as confident even though they might not feel it.
As I have implemented the strategies and skills and worked toward the goal I have set, I see myself becoming more confident. Confident in myself. Confident in God—that He’ll bless me with the kind of relationship I’m looking for if I do my part. And confident in men—that they will pursue me if I play my role.
Alisa’s response: I love this because it is so true. People assume that others feel confident just because they look confident; yet no one can really tell what others are feeling. They only see behavior.
As a counselor and dating coach, I know the truth because singles share their private thoughts and feelings with me. The truth is that most people who appear confident only feel it in spurts but they act confident nonetheless and in so doing feel more confident as a result.
Thus, it is critical that all singles understand the importance of faking it ’til you make it. This does not mean that you have to be fake, it just means that confidence matters and is incredibly effective in life, work, and relationships. Additionally, when you change your behaviors, you often change the way you feel and the way you see yourself, as Sarah discovered.