Q—I need help!! I was at the YSA conference a couple of weeks ago in Oregon. I was very interested in what you had to say about dating. I am 22 years old and have never been on a date. I blame this on my weight because I am a big girl. Women have always told me my hair or eyes are pretty or what a cute outfit, but never from a guy I like. I am in the process of taking better care of myself and losing weight through healthy eating and exercise. But I am sad that men have never shown any interest in me; well, maybe to be friends but never to date. I don’t really know how to flirt, and I try not to be, but I am very shy. When I do end up in a conversation with a guy it often revolves around work or other old boring topics, and both of us lose interest in the conversation. Anyway, I didn’t know if you had anymore advice you could give me, but I kinda need help. I practiced the phone number technique at the boat dance last Friday, and it ended up with “Joseph” saying, “see ya at volleyball on Thursday” instead of asking for my number. I can tell myself it’s just practice, but meeting guys as practice and never getting a date is getting pretty old.
Thank you so much for your dating lesson you gave and for everything you do for us singles.
A—Your weight can be a problem, especially if you are more than 40 pounds overweight. However, in many cases, a woman’s issues with her weight are not as much of the problem that prevents her from dating as the fact that she most likely stopped acting feminine long ago or stopped making men feel great (or never learned how to).
The fact of the matter is, as long as you are overweight, you expect rejection. Because you expect rejection, you don’t really put yourself out there. Because you hold back, you act like a pal, not a gal (to learn more, read this article), and, likewise, men feel less interested in you.
The solution is to take better care of yourself in all areas. Yes, start the process to lose weight now, but don’t base your femininity and confidence on your size. Instead, start really investing in your appearance, your femininity, and your ability to make men feel great. Act like a gal, not a pal. Look in the mirror and say something positive about your appearance every day. Build your faith in yourself, your future, the opposite sex, and God, and then start applying the dating techniques—they really work.
I have had many overweight dating-coach clients who’ve gotten married. You can too if you learn to feel great about yourself and make others feel great, too.
I hope this helps.