I’m often asked if a man ever falls in love with a woman who is “just a friend” and if feeling an immediate chemistry is of critical importance to men. The important point that connects both questions is that of initial attraction. Perhaps some men define chemistry as being synonymous with attraction, but I don’t think most men are as focused on the idea of immediate chemistry as they are on initial attraction.

Either way, my response to these questions is simple, yet unfortunate. I’ve never seen a man who wasn’t initially attracted to a woman become attracted later (no matter how much weight she lost or how much she changed). This observation has been tested and solidified after watching several men try to make a connection with a close friend but without success.

This is one of the reasons why I encourage women to act like gals, not pals (click here to read the article I wrote for MeetMarketAdventures.com). Once a woman becomes  “just a friend,” she will likely never be more. A man either experiences a basic level of sexual attraction from the start or he never will. He might wait for a woman who’s in a relationship with someone else, he might hold on until she gets through a bad time in her life, he might even rediscover an interest in her years later, but he has to have had a basic level of attraction from the beginning or he simply will never see her as more than a friend.

Contrarily, and in a sad twist of fate, women often can and do fall in love with friends. They can even become attracted to someone who was at an earlier time not attractive to them.

Notwithstanding these differences, men and women alike share in the sad reality that sometimes relationships end simply because the other person doesn’t feel enough chemistry or connection to continue it. Because attraction from one person to the next is so varied, no one can entirely escape this risk no matter how hard they try.

If and when there is attraction, however, the steps suggested in the following articles may help maximize and increase the connection the other person feels:

How can we become more than friends?

Get his attention, affection, and commitment

Confidence matters

Does she like me? How do I know?

I hope these articles help. Good luck,


2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 3 - Managing rejection, 4 - Avoid Common traps, Must-know techniques for men
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Join the conversation! 4 Comments

  1. […] If I am understanding your question, it seems you are asking about the role of attraction for men in the initial stages of relationships, not necessarily chemistry. I posted my thoughts on this topic in this article. Once friends—never more! Unless he was always attracted. […]

  2. That is sad! It would be OK if both parties felt the same, but I definitely know what you mean about women falling for men over time. If it doesn’t happen both ways, everyone ends up hurting.

  3. I agree with all of this, but I then question, don’t men feel the same way? Sometimes I think it’s almost worse for them. They too can fall for their good friends, and I know many guys who feel that they are quote “friend zoned” by women, and lose hope for them having something special. I’m not saying I do, but I think many women have such great expectations for men.. a lot of times they’re too high, a lot of girls don’t appreciate the small things–the flaws. Maybe it’s an age group difference? but I know that young adults usually have these same dilemmas, but I must say I think the gender roles are switched. Either way, being a guy or girl, it simply just hurts when we can’t get what we want! Good post =)

    – cd


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