“I want to please him, touch him, be with him. No question about that.”

I LOVED your response to my last question (Chemistry—What is it, and how do I recognize it?)!  Brilliant!  I think everyone needs to read that article.

I’ve had so many friendsand maybe all you readers can relate to thisthat have heard people say, “I just don’t think about them all the time.”  And you’re right, obsessing about someone is unhealthy.  Being constantly consumed with thoughts of a relationship probably means it’s a bit unstable. Sure, in the beginning consistent thoughts of giddy joy are not uncommon, but I think of my friends who are happily married and how they are never obsessed with thinking about their relationship with their spouse. They don’t worry about not being in love just because they don’t feel it all the time.

But, Alisa, I have a question:  I’ve heard guys say that chemistry and attraction are necessary in getting a relationship started and to keep it going until something more substantial develops. Your thoughts? Others’ thoughts?

But going back to your adviceI must say this is so validating.  I actually did worry that I wasn’t obsessed with a certain guy.  However, I want to please him, touch him, be with him. No question about that. I feel good about this. It gives me a lot of confidence in moving forward.  Thanks Alisa.

So my goal for this week: a) Continue to build and praise b) Act more feminine c) Find 3 things I can have a guy help me with.

Alisa’s response

If I’m understanding your question, it seems you are asking about the role of attraction for men in the initial stages of relationships, not necessarily chemistry. I posted my thoughts on this topic in this article: Once friends—never anything more! Unless he was always attracted.

Let me know if this answers your question.

Thanks, and I’m glad the advice last week helped. Good luck,


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