“I chronically fail to develop a connection. Please help!” —Q & A

QI’ve gotten all kinds of advice (solicited and unsolicited), like “Oh, you don’t know what love is—it’s not something that even newly married couples feel. It comes only after decades of being married and devoted to someone.” Which, okay, I see their point. That kind of love is probably the most Christlike. But I’m talking about the love that makes two people want to get married, the feeling that drives two people to desire to be with each other. Call it whatever you want, I have never felt it.

I have spent a lot of time and effort toward this goal of marriage and I have felt nothing. I’ve gotten attached to the people I’ve dated but have never developed the sincere desire to be with them or marry them. And I’ve had a number of people tell me that they love me, and a few have asked me to marry them.

I know that you have helped a lot of people. So have you ever seen this before? Any ideas for me? Am I overreacting?

AI don’t think you’re overreacting. I just think you need to educate yourself about relationships and then have faith and trust that God intends for you to succeed at a relationship and that He will help you develop the skills and feelings you need. Perhaps these articles will help:

“I feel hollow inside—like something isn’t clicking.”

Chemistry—What is it and how do I recognize it?

“I want to please him, touch him, and be with him. No question about that.”

Once friends—never anything more! Unless he was always attracted.

Break the “bad boy” habit and snag a good man

I have faith that you will know what to do to work this out and develop the connections you desire.

Good luck,


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