“He’s shy, so I can’t tell if he likes me or not. Any advice?”—Q & A

Q—I have a question for you in regards to shy men.  A few years ago, I asked a guy out in my church group. I knew he was shy as he seemed to show the signs that he liked me by getting nervous when he spoke to me, looking at me, and looking away once I caught his eye . . . that type of thing. I asked if he wanted to see a movie, and it turned out we did go. But a group of his friends had already planned to go see the same movie so he invited me to go along with them. I know I did the wrong thing by asking him out.  I guess I should’ve let him pursue me, but at the time I thought I was helping him because of his shyness. I even apologized afterwards because I felt bad that I most likely made him feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, I did a lot of things wrong and I didn’t use the proper techniques.  Since then, we have been friends and he’s invited me to group activities as I told him that I’d like to get to know him better. Even to this day, I still notice that he gets nervous talking to me. I’m just not sure how to read him.  I think to myself, well, he’s certainly not asking me out so that’s a definite sign that he’s not interested. But sometimes when I see him and talk to him he continues to show the signs that he likes me.  I’m confused.  Will you give me some advice?

A—I hate to say it, but this is his problem, not yours. Until he worries more about overcoming his shyness and taking action, nothing will change. He’s either interested or he’s not, but you can’t do anything about it. So smile at him, be warm and inviting, and then repeat in your mind, He is a man. He and God will work out his issues. If he cares enough about me he will find a way to overcome his shyness. I just need to do my part and trust that things will work out with him or someone else. Keep flirting with him but don’t linger around or hang out anymore. Flirt with others as well and accept any dates that become available. If he misses you he will call or ask to get together. When he does, say, “I never know how to act unless I ask. Is this a date or hanging out?” If he really likes you, he will say it’s a date.

I hope this helps, although it may not have been what you wanted to hear.

Good luck,



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