Alisa,

I just have a quick question this week and am wondering what your thoughts are. I have an old crush that has stayed in contact with me since moving to another state. We end up talking on the phone every once in a while, and I wonder about your suggestions on how I can flirt over the phone. Our conversations are always uplifting and good, but I also want to know how to be effective. I look forward to your thoughts and ideas!

Oh, and by the way, the guy I told, “I’d love you to call me sometime,” actually called. I had to say it because it was my goal, and I wasn’t going to fail at my goals two weeks in a row. Sadly, I missed his call, but I’m super giddy that he actually called!!

My goal for this week is to practice asserting my needs. I seriously have a hard time with this. I haven’t ever stopped and thought long enough about what my needs are. But I do see that guys respond to girls who assert their needs.

So this is my first attempt at asserting my needs. I’d love to have our readers join me and post their comments and experiences!! 🙂

Alisa’s response: I suggest that when you’re on the phone you practice applying the 17 Secrets to the Male Psychology (click here to learn how you can get a copy). Then follow the advice below:

(An excerpt from the It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique manual)

“When talking with him, focus on making him feel great and invest in getting to know him, but end the conversation sooner rather than later and on a high note. Be sure to state that you would really like to get together with him. When having a conversation, take your lead from him and how he is pacing the conversation. Enjoy the conversation, make him feel great, laugh, and ask him questions, but try to end it before he does so that he doesn’t feel like he has to escape the conversation because it’s dragging on. It’s always best to leave the conversation on a high note with him wanting more, not less, contact with you. If you linger too long he may start to feel bored or even anxious, which is one reason why men prefer texting—it’s short and to the point. In general, try to keep the conversation to 20 minutes or less, unless he seems to really be having a great time talking to you. If he suggests that he needs to go or if you feel the conversation may be getting past the high point, warmly state, “I’m so sorry. I probably need to go soon, but I would really like to get together with you sometime.” Then pause and wait. Saying this opens the door for him to ask you out. He will most likely ask, but if he doesn’t, state, “I’d love to have you call again. Good night.” This leaves the ball in his court.”

I realize that he’s out of town and you may not be able to get together, and if you do, it’s probably not very often. So modify this technique by telling him what you would love him to do. For example, as you end the conversation on a high note, state, “I have a hard week scheduled, so it would mean a lot to me to get a call sometime later this week. You always cheer me up.” The point is to get him thinking about and investing in meeting your needs. If he doesn’t do this, you’re probably wasting your time if you get too into him. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but without his investment they’re nearly impossible. I don’t know how “into him” you already are, but at least this gives you something to practice on the phone. I definitely suggest that you keep flirting with others. Practicing these things on the phone with someone far away is still a good experience for when you talk to guys who live close by and you are unsure what their intentions or interests are.

Does this help?

Good luck,

Alisa

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Category:
2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 4 - Avoid Common traps, Blogs - Step by step goals for you to try
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Join the conversation! 5 Comments

  1. Your suggestions will help a lot! I appreciate it. I like your suggestion of ending on a high note in particular.

    Reply
  2. This is what I needed to hear! Great advice Alisa. Also, Sarah it’s good to know I’m not the only one working on these things. Hang in there sister!

    Reply
  3. I’m going to use the “I have a tough week coming up and would love a call sometime this week, you always cheer me up”. One I will have a tough week next week, and two, he always does cheer me up. It’s also a great way for me to be able to make him feel great, feel needed, to assert a need I have, and see if he’s willing to invest a little more in me.

    Reply
  4. Thanks Melissa! It is great knowing there are people out there cheering me on. 😉 That’s a great goal Manda, you’ll have to let us know how it goes!!

    Reply
  5. Thanks for the great advice! Can hardly wait to practice these techniques!!!

    Reply

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