“I was a wreck for the first date. How can I handle the second date better?” —Q & A

A– I suggest that you focus on having fun and on practicing techniques that make men feel great (for instance, letting him be needed, showing femininity, expressing your opinions, showing faith in him, letting him sacrifice for you, making him feel like your hero when he does things for you, etc.). Or for the men reading this article focus on making her feel great (like listening to and validating her opinions, complimenting a facet of her personality, telling her something you appreciate that she did on the date, expressing a desire to call again, etc.)

After doing these acts, sit back, relax, and repeat the words, “The kind of man (or woman) I am looking for will see me for what I have to offer and pursue me (or respond and invest in me). If he/she doesn’t respond, someone else will. He/she is not my only chance for happiness.”

It is important that you look at this situation as an opportunity to practice your skills, have fun, and make the other person great. It’s best when men lead and women warmly support the process. When women take the lead it’s not good for either of them; likewise when a man or woman acts passive in a relationship neither of them will feel good about the relationship. If you think beyond the moment you will start to feel and appear needy. If this relationship (or any other) is going to work out, it will be because the other person will help make it happen, not you alone.

I hope this helps. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.

Alisa Goodwin Snell

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