“I haven’t heard from them for a while. When should I call?”

It’s often hard to know when to call and when not to. Here are two general rules that I suggest for  men and women:

Men: If you leave a confident message on the first call and she doesn’t call back, then call 24 hours later. If she doesn’t answer, leave a message. If she doesn’t call back within a few days, call one more time and leave a message again, this time leaving a message that states you won’t be calling again without a return call as described in “What do I say in a voice message?

Men: If you’ve been dating a woman and she never calls you (except to return your calls), leaving you to wonder if you should keep calling, the next time you see her, state, “I can’t tell if a woman wants me to keep pursuing her unless she calls me, texts me, or e-mails me every once in a while. These things really encourage me to keep pursuing.” Then watch to see if she steps up and does one of these things.

Women: When it comes to how frequently you should call him, as long as you are matching, not exceeding, his efforts, then call, text, or e-mail him every once in a while. This is particularly safe to do as a reward for his efforts after he calls you. Just be sure that you do not call or text more often than he contacts you. A good general rule of thumb is to call or text him once to every two or three times he calls or texts you.

Women: If he hasn’t called in a long time and he was the primary pursuer, it doesn’t hurt to send him a brief text, call, or e-mail to say you are thinking about him. If he’s interested he will call back, but at least you will be left with less doubt about whether you should have done more.

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