“Is it wrong to ask men out?” —Q & A

QDo you think it’s wrong to ask a guy out on the first date?  If yes, why and if not, why?

ALet me answer that with an excerpt from my It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique manual:

Only ask men out when you have a legitimate need or event that requires a date. Typically, asking a man out does not work out very well. It rarely results in more dates or a relationship. If he is interested he will ask you out. If he is not asking you out, he is not interested. However, when you have a legitimate event for which you need a date, asking a man out can be a wise and beneficial way to practice your dating skills. To do this in a way that makes him feel great and helps you to maintain your femininity while on the date:

  1. Act confident, feminine, and self-assured when asking him out. Whether you call him or ask him out face to face, just get to the point. Use good posture, look him in the eye, smile, act feminine, touch him (if you can), and then say, “I have this event that I need a date for. Of all the men I considered, I felt you would help me have a great time. Would you be willing to go as my date? Are you available that night?” Wait for his reaction. If he says no, tilt your head, smile, and be warm as you say, “No problem. Thank you so much for considering it.” Remember to keep your chin forward so you don’t look ashamed.
  2. If he says yes, ask him to pick you up. You will feel more comfortable and confident on the date if he invests and sacrifices for you. So don’t hesitate to say, “I know that I asked you out, but it would really mean a lot to me if you would do two things for me. Calling men is very uncomfortable for me. Would you be willing to call me the day before the date to confirm our plans? And would you be willing to pick me up for the date? I plan to pay for the date, but your help with these two things would mean a lot to me.” If you say this with warmth and femininity, touch him, or tilt your head, smile, and look him in the eye, he will feel that you have faith and trust in him and his goodness, and he will experience an increased desire to help and please you. He will also like knowing what his role is and will appreciate the femininity and vulnerability you show.
  3. Review the 17 Secrets to the Male Psychology so you can practice them on the date. As you plan ahead for the date, focus on using the date to practice at least 5 secrets to the male psychology. For example, you could ask him to help you with your coat, get you a drink, let you hold his arm as you walk across the ice (men need to be neededsecret #12). You could look him in the eye, smile, tilt your head, touch him on the arm (men like femininitysecret #8), and express sincere appreciation when he picks you up, opens your door, pulls out your chair, or gives you a compliment (men like being appreciatedsecret #7). You could show your faith and trust in him (secret #1) by expressing your opinions, feelings, and needs, and by making requests (men like women who have opinions and assert their needssecret #9). You could make him feel like a hero (men like to be heroessecret #6) by stating, “Wow! You have been such a gentleman. You really make me feel like a lady. I’m so impressed. Thank you.” Doing these things will make the date less awkward, more fun, and more rewarding. You will both feel great about each other and the experience.
  4. Avoid apologizing and leave the ball in his court. Do not apologize for asking him out. It makes him feel uncomfortable and makes you look less confident and unnecessarily vulnerable. Instead, express your appreciation for his gentleness, kindness, and respect. Tell him you would love to do this again some time. And then walk away trusting that if he is interested he will call you and take you out again. You acted feminine, confident, and classy throughout the date and made him feel great. If he doesn’t call again, remember, the point of asking him out was to practice your skills and improve your techniques, which you did. Now you are better prepared for your next date.

I hope this helps.



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One thought on ““Is it wrong to ask men out?” —Q & A

  • Your advice really helped me! I have an up coming event that I need a date for and I was able to approch the man I like with confidence with the help of your advice. Even though he declined respectfully and kindly because I didn’t know he just got a girlfriend, I was able to feel empowered in how I handled the situation confidently and positively. I know this was good practice on my flirting skills and how to handle regection. Thanks again!

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