I may not have used the exact words Alisa suggests, but when I was at a party on Friday night I used one of her techniques. Prior to the party, this guy and I had had several conversations about planning an activity together. We tried once but had never been able to choose a day that worked for both of us. I could have planned the whole thing by myself but wanted to give him the opportunity to have some responsibility. I wanted it to be a joint effort instead of being another girl who invited him over for another meal. He has yet to follow through, and this has left me feeling a little bit bothered.
So when he brought it up at the party on Friday, I was a little surprised, but he seemed really interested. We chatted about it for a minute, and then I needed to go find someone (that means I left the conversation on a high note: rather than lingering too long, I left with him wanting more of my time ), so I said, “I need to grab my friend, but I’d love to plan this with you. Why don’t you give me a call and we can make it happen?” Or something to that effect.
I walked away so proud of myself! I realized after that, part of why this feels so good is because it’s empowering. I wasn’t just sitting passively waiting for something to happen. I was in control and I put the ball in his court. I realize that he may choose not to call, but if he doesn’t, it’s okay. I’ll still be friends with him but realize that he isn’t interested enough to put forth the effort. I also realize that since he’s a guy I’m not really interested in, I won’t be too saddened if he doesn’t call. If it were someone I was interested in, it would be a little more difficult to accept that he isn’t interested. But regardless, I’m happy that I did something.
I hope I’ll will find at least two more opportunities to do this over the next few weeks, as Alisa suggests. It’s important that I practice this three times or more. I’m sure that, in time, this and other techniques will help me feel even more confident and at peace with things.
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