I didn’t meet my goal. I didn’t say, “I’ve got to go, but I’d really love you to call me sometime.” Sigh. Last week I was on such a high; this week I feel like I had no progression at all toward my goals. I will keep that as my goal for this week and hopefully I will have a great story for you next week!!
I have one quick question that I’ve always wondered about but didn’t know how to ask it or to whom to ask. But I now have Alisa as a resource since she’s the source of all dating knowledge and wisdom. I’m a talker and have a hard time with silence. For example, when I’m on dates and the guy isn’t initiating conversation, I have no problem doing that. It’s easy for me to keep the conversation going. My question is this: Is it a bad thing that I maintain conversation, or should I be letting the guy take charge?
The reason I ask is because I’ve noticed in a couple of movies lately that the women just stayed quiet and let the guy worry about what to say, and I wondered if this was something I should be doing as well.
Does this question make sense to anyone else? Is it something I should worry about or just disregard?
Here’s an excerpt from my It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique manual in answer to this question:
“Let him enjoy silence and calm from time to time. Whereas silence often makes women feel anxious, men can feel bonded and connected in silence. They even appreciate it.
“If you respond to silence by anxiously talking or entertaining him nonstop, you will tire and exhaust him, especially if you do this during movies. Instead, do your part, make a good-faith effort, start a conversation, lean forward, ask him questions, share something about yourself, and then from time to time lean back and wait to see what he does. Men need the opportunity to invest and to work for the conversation too. It makes a man value and appreciate you more when he strains and sacrifices to build a connection or to get to know you better. So do not deny him or yourself this opportunity.
“When you lean back, keep your body language open, tilt your head, wear a smile, gently play with a pen, jewelry, or your hair, or slowly tap your foot up and down. Doing these things will help you relax while also making you look feminine, confident, and interested in him. Wait five minutes. He will bring something up, ask a question, or make a suggestion. When he does, respond fully. However, if he doesn’t after five minutes, start the conversation again to show him you are not disengaging and making him do all the work. Try the technique again later to discover if he will work to keep the conversation going. If each time you experience silence he never says anything, then he is not really trying to invest and sacrifice for you or the relationship. It’s better that this passive, disengaged, and irresponsible approach to relationships is exposed now.”
I hope this helps. Good luck,
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