“I fear I won’t have a chance to marry someone within my religion.”

QThank you so much, Alisa. Unfortunately I have felt distant from God for years regarding this subject. I am keeping the commandments and everything, but I fear that I won’t have a chance to marry someone within my religion. I also get asked out much more by men who aren’t of my faith. Until recently I would never have gone out with them, but now I am considering it. I am a convert to the church, and my family are non-members, so I “identify” with the other cultures and religions very much. It isn’t what I ideally want, but it is easier for me to meet great guys who are interested in me who just happen to not share my religion. They seem to be less affected by my age and/or status in life. Do you have any thoughts about this subject?

Thanks again so much for your help! I want more than anything to be a wife and a motherit is all I have ever wanted or felt I was supposed to do. I’m just trying everything I can to make this dream come true. 🙂

AMy advice would be to re-evaluate your top-ten list. If having a partner who shares the same religion is on the top five, then the answer I would give is that you need to build your faith, flirt, and play your role with those who share your religious views, trusting that as you make a good-faith effort, God will match that effort. If you give in to your fears, you will only experience them over and over again. It really is a choice between faith and fear, but I have faith that you can have the qualities you’re looking for on your top five if you do your part.

You alone can decide what matters most to you, but once you decide, keep the faith.  Read chapter 4 again to help you with this process.


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2 thoughts on ““I fear I won’t have a chance to marry someone within my religion.”

  • I am so grateful for the woman who expressed concern about dating outside her religion (“I Fear I Won’t Have a Chance to Marry Someone Outside My Religion” Q&A), because that is something I am currently experiencing. Men are coming around/crossing my path, but the ones who express interest in me are not L.D.S. I’ve been praying about this and even spoke with my bishop recently when I was released from a calling. He said to me, “It is a difficult decision and choice between the possibility of remaining alone or marrying a good man who’s good to you and just happens to not be a member of the church. Ann, I don’t want you to be alone so if you find a good man who treats you good I approve.” Those words have caused even more and deeper pondering within me. I have been talking a lot to God about it and continue to receive “Continue on” from Him. I guess that means continue on as I am doing.

    I wouldn’t say I’m “afraid” because it isn’t fear as much as it is wondering. And, I think, I have a different “situation” than your asker: I’m a Black woman living in Utah. I recently met an attractive, nice Black man who lives in Georgia but that’s a VERY long distance relationship and for now I’m satisfied to be only friends.

    As I have discussed this with my friends they are shocked and troubled that I would consider marrying a non-L.D.S. man. I am an older woman now past my child-bearing years. If a young woman were considering this I would counsel her against it because it is too sad and complicated to bring children into an inter-faith marriage. But as a woman in my 40’s, I am seeking companionship and there are no children involved. I have done as in-depth a study of inter-faith marriage as I can: read statistics on the successfulness, read articles by marriage counselors, and read articles on what needs to be considered in such a relationship because they are very different from same religion relationships. (As a side note: Interestingly and yet not really surprisingly, did you know that 50% of Jews marry a Mormon? Of that 50% only about 1% divorce. Those are better stats than within the L.D.S. church!)

    There is a negative attitude and perspective of many church members regarding marrying non-members. Some of my friends believe that if you do you automatically lose all your salvation, none of your good works or obedience matter, and you go straight to hell.

    I would never have anticipated the journey I would be on now when I began a year and a half ago. I can only do this journey with God.

    Thank you for your continued efforts. I have shared your info and web site and seminar info with LOTS of people and only hope that some of them are utilizing it.



  • Ann,
    I am glad for your views on this. I am very much in support of interfaith marriages, assuming that they’re very well thought out. I think it would be a huge mistake to jump into one hoping that everything will work out, but with a great deal of communication and thought, I think they can be very successful. I’ve been studying this topic for a while too!

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