Liars, cheaters, manipulators, beaters—Spot them in 3 dates or less

Single men and women are vulnerable to the risks of exploitation, deception, infidelity, stalking, and abuse, especially if they don’t know the early warning signs.

With statistics that range from 20 to 60 percent of partner’s cheating during a relationship or marriage,* and reports stating that approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner, and 1,006,970 women and 370,990 men are stalked annually in the United States,** singles need all the information they can get to increase their odds for recognizing manipulation and avoiding abuse.

Here’s a quick list of common behaviors to look for in the first three dates or less. For a more detailed list and to learn the four steps to the three-date rule, refer to Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man by Alisa Goodwin Snell.

A lack of empathy

  • They use charm, sex, compliments, gifts, or sympathy to get attention or to manipulate you to meet their needs.
  • They immediately press you for personal information, including where you live or work.
  • They act offended or become rejecting if you can’t meet them right away.
  • They say, “You can trust me.”
  • They expect you to blow off your work, friends, or family to spend time with them.
  • They talk sexually to you or about you.
  • They want to meet your kids right away.
  • They share stories that demonstrate indifference to the feelings, rights, and needs of others or animals.
  • They have few long-term friendships and family relationships.
  • They express a lot of past resentments, unresolved anger, and fears of abandonment.

A lack of personal responsibility

  • They seem to good to be true.
  • They blame others for their problems.
  • They have issues with authority.
  • They seem quick to rush in and take care of you or fix your problems and act offended if you won’t let them.
  • They act arrogant, better, smarter, or superior to others.
  • They believe they are above the rules or that the laws don’t apply to them.
  • They state that they know more than others trained in a specific profession.
  • They act fragile, vulnerable, or needy.
  • Their stories don’t add up or seem too dramatic, larger than life, or too unrealistic to be true.

A lack of self-control

  • They act angry, irritable, rejecting, threatening, or intimidating over small incidences such as when you’re late, when you express your feelings and needs, or when you say no.
  • They talk freely or proudly about their past or present drug or alcohol abuse.
  • They talk openly about issues at work, angry episodes with their exes, or their outbursts of anger and resentment toward others.
  • Their quickly ask for your help in paying for the date or their bills.
  • They express difficulty in maintaining employment.
  • They seem to consistently be up late at night, arrive late for appointments, or call in sick to work.
  • They express having a history of legal or anger management problems.
  • They talk casually about being violent or damaging other’s property in the past.

Warning signs in any one of these areas should cause reason for concern. Warning signs in all three areas is a definite indicator that at some point in the relationship they will lie, cheat, manipulate, or abuse you.
Stop all contact immediately and even before the third date. You owe them nothing. You need to be loyal to yourself above all else.

*http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html
**http://new.abanet.org/domesticviolence/Pages/Statistics.aspx

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7 thoughts on “Liars, cheaters, manipulators, beaters—Spot them in 3 dates or less

  • 1. I love to openly compliment women, but have stopped because they think I am leading them on.
    2. I certainly have issues with authority, politicians, & people that claim to be experts because they have a degree.
    3. I feel incredibly unappreciated and undervalued when waiting nearly an hour for dates to get ready. It does not convince me that they are worth it.

    I think your list is a bit far reaching especially with how easily actions get misinterpreted and misconstrued. Being found guilty until proven innocent is most frustrating. I feel this post only boosts fears and excuses to rant against men with simple-minded generalizations. It is easy to sing-a-long to this melody, especially in Utah.

    This all reads like I am a,… Liar, cheater, manipulator, beater. Worse yet, I am bold enough to challenge the list!

    While I am typing, I and many of my guy friends that don’t care to date much anymore, have grown ill with double-standards, lazy efforts from women, and petty excuses to dismiss men. We are tired of paying for it financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

    This reminds me how the LDS church as been coming down on single men, telling them all they should be doing, and the old, boring, lifeless maidens that we should date & marry because the gospel will do the rest. The few remaining guys that are present, listening and trying seem to get all the heat for the guys that have left.

    Perhaps you could help women understand that if they want to date a pioneer that they need to become a pioneer. Meaning, if they want to be a modern woman, then brother Brigham won’t fit into their plans or modern standards. These double standards are driving men away, it is too difficult to please women, especially if they carry this list around in their head.

    • Thank you for taking the time to reply.

      This article is about how people handle problems (not that they have problems — everyone has problems). Does the person respond to their problems with personal responsibility? Do they admit when they are wrong? Do they take action to create change? Do they recognize the feelings and needs of others, especially when it relates to their issues and problems? Do they strive to see it from more than just their perspective? Do they value the opinions and needs of others? Can they be influenced by others or do they just shut them out and do what they want to do?

      Men and women alike can be liars, cheaters, manipulators, and beaters. This article is about both men and women — not just men. Some women can be toxic, verbally abusive, addictive, unfaithful, etc. just like some men can be. You need to know the early behaviors of these individuals so you can avoid these people too. And this article points out the common thread between all abusive, manipulative and potentially unfaithful people — they lack empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility.

      Perhaps what you can take from this article is some ways in which you can change to improve your own traits of empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility. It seems you took offense rather than assuming an open mind and desire to improve yourself (and by improving yourself increasing your ability to attract an equally healthy women).

      I believe that anyone who works on developing greater empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility will find that attracting relationships and keeping these relationships will be easier.

      Best wishes to you. Alisa

    • I liked Alisa’s response to this. Having been in bad relationships and knowing men who have (the men were beaten in the relationship, but trying to be good and honorable did not fight back & it was a real struggle for them). These descriptions can really put a pinpoint those who are abusive. Of course it is not good to go around being paranoid, but very necessary to protect yourself. You can really save yourself some heart ache and perhaps physical hurt as well if you look at this list in dating. Like she said, if there are major issues in all three areas- RUN. She made this list to protect and inform people, not scare or put people down.

  • Wow … I wish I’d read this list before I got married to my now ex-husband. He exhibited multiple warning signs in all 3 areas. And yes … he was a liar, manipulator, and cheater. I got out after a year, but it would have been much better to have dropped him before the 3rd date.

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