With statistics that range from 20 to 60 percent of partner’s cheating during a relationship or marriage,* and reports stating that approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner, and 1,006,970 women and 370,990 men are stalked annually in the United States,** singles need all the information they can get to increase their odds for recognizing manipulation and avoiding abuse.
Here’s a quick list of common behaviors to look for in the first three dates or less. For a more detailed list and to learn the four steps to the three-date rule, refer to Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man by Alisa Goodwin Snell.
A lack of empathy
- They use charm, sex, compliments, gifts, or sympathy to get attention or to manipulate you to meet their needs.
- They immediately press you for personal information, including where you live or work.
- They act offended or become rejecting if you can’t meet them right away.
- They say, “You can trust me.”
- They expect you to blow off your work, friends, or family to spend time with them.
- They talk sexually to you or about you.
- They want to meet your kids right away.
- They share stories that demonstrate indifference to the feelings, rights, and needs of others or animals.
- They have few long-term friendships and family relationships.
- They express a lot of past resentments, unresolved anger, and fears of abandonment.
A lack of personal responsibility
- They seem to good to be true.
- They blame others for their problems.
- They have issues with authority.
- They seem quick to rush in and take care of you or fix your problems and act offended if you won’t let them.
- They act arrogant, better, smarter, or superior to others.
- They believe they are above the rules or that the laws don’t apply to them.
- They state that they know more than others trained in a specific profession.
- They act fragile, vulnerable, or needy.
- Their stories don’t add up or seem too dramatic, larger than life, or too unrealistic to be true.
A lack of self-control
- They act angry, irritable, rejecting, threatening, or intimidating over small incidences such as when you’re late, when you express your feelings and needs, or when you say no.
- They talk freely or proudly about their past or present drug or alcohol abuse.
- They talk openly about issues at work, angry episodes with their exes, or their outbursts of anger and resentment toward others.
- Their quickly ask for your help in paying for the date or their bills.
- They express difficulty in maintaining employment.
- They seem to consistently be up late at night, arrive late for appointments, or call in sick to work.
- They express having a history of legal or anger management problems.
- They talk casually about being violent or damaging other’s property in the past.
Warning signs in any one of these areas should cause reason for concern. Warning signs in all three areas is a definite indicator that at some point in the relationship they will lie, cheat, manipulate, or abuse you.
Stop all contact immediately and even before the third date. You owe them nothing. You need to be loyal to yourself above all else.
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