Q–When you leave a voice message for a woman, do you suggest that I keep it simple and to the point, or what would you suggest? Do you have any good examples? I find myself leaving the same type of voice message for each woman.

AHere is an excerpt from my It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique workbook:

Do not call more than three times in one week. Do leave a message that is clear about your interest in her. And use language that assumes she will want to see you. Women look forward to your calls and are sad when they miss them. They often want to call you back, but if you don’t leave a message, they feel unsure of what to do. Seeing your name on caller ID is not enough. They still feel vulnerable and foolish about calling you. If you leave a message, a woman feels ten times more comfortable and will usually call you back. So don’t call and just hang up when you get her answering machine. This also leaves you to have to call back later. Calling too many times makes you look less confident and can make you feel foolish as well. Instead, leave a message on your first call and use direct and confident language that assumes she will want to see you. For example:

“I’d love to get together with you this weekend. Give me a call so we can discuss some of the options I’m thinking of.”

This leaves her with a clear understanding that you want her to call you back and makes her curious about what you are planning for the date.

If you don’t get a return call, call back 24 hours later and leave another message. If she doesn’t call back after that, wait one more week and try again. After the third unanswered call, be sure to state:

“I’d love to get together with you this weekend. Give me a call. Oh, and by the way, I thought you should know I have a general rule that I don’t call more than three times without a return call. I am definitely interested, but, out of respect for both you and me, I always back off by the third call. I look forward to hearing from you.”

It is important that you show persistence and consistency but also self-respect. She most likely will call back, but if she doesn’t return your call you can feel confident in knowing that you ended the encounter on your terms and with self-respect and strength.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it works out.

Alisa Snell

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Category:
2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 3 - Managing rejection, 5 - The first six weeks of dating, Must-know techniques for men
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Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. […] Men: If you leave a confident message on the first call and she doesn’t call back, then call 24 hours later. If she doesn’t answer, leave a message. If she doesn’t call back within a few days, call one more time and leave a message again, this time leaving a message that states you won’t be calling again without a return call as described in “What do I say in a voice message?“ […]

    Reply
  2. We have IM’d on a dating site for 2 weeks, met once. After that he started IM ing someone else at the same time while on line with me. The responses were slower and I felt like I was left standing on the side lines. I teased him about doing that to which he did not respond and I said: “Three is a crowd, I am out of here.” In finally discussing this several days later via IM he said that it goes against his being a gentleman to say if he was on line with someone else at the same time, that it should not make any difference.

    I did e-mail him previously explaining that I would love to hear from him/or get together some time when he is not so busy.

    Am I asking too much?

    Reply
    • I think that both of you should expect that you are talking to other people. You aren’t exclusive and don’t owe each other anything except respect and a reasonable amount of investment sufficient to get to know each other. If it is feels right, then in time you will invest more and more and stop seeing others.

      Reply

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