“Hot on the date—cold after. What do I do?” —Q & A

Hi, Alisa,

Q– I have been on seven dates with a lady I met two months ago.  Over two dates, she had warmed up.  We held hands on date No. 6 and kissed on date No. 7. However, she doesn’t respond promptly to my texts (or sometimes at all). I leave a message asking her to call, and she responds two days later by Facebook. She just canceled a scheduled date. Then I call and she calls me right back and we set another date.

I personally think she is undecided on where she wants the relationship to go.  As a guy, I would like to find out how she feels about me and the relationship, but I am not sure if that’s the best way to go since she is a very private person and seems to approach life in more of a passive way.

Any ideas?

AI suggest during your next date you ask her, “If you really like a guy, how do you encourage him to keep pursuing you?” or you state at the end of the date, “I can never tell if a woman wants me to keep calling unless she calls, sends me a text, or e-mails me every once in a while just to say hi or share something about her life.”

In the first case, listen to how she responds. In the second, state it and then leave. Watch what she does afterward. If she doesn’t move from being passive to more actively engaged in the process, you will probably always be investing more and caring more about the relationship than she does. One of the dating-coach sayings I often have my clients repeat is “I do not give the best of me to those who don’t invest in me.”

I hope this advice helps. I would love to hear how it works out.

Good luck,



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