Creating your top-ten list can feel very challenging. So I am including an excerpt below from the It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique manual to help you hopefully make the process easier.

“As you create your top-ten list, consider each item as a category rather than defining it as an individual behavior. For instance, rather than listing: “someone who has good credit,” use the category of “someone who is financially responsible.” After stating the category, you can elaborate on the general personality characteristics you are looking for by listing specific behaviors such as “works hard, shows patience, acts confident, likes themselves, and laughs easily,” “someone who pays their bills on time,” or “someone who has a savings.” Be sure to consider personality patterns, such as empathy, personal responsibility, and self-control, which will make for better and more fulfilling, long-term relationships than with someone who is hot, has a nice butt, or makes a hundred thousand dollars a year. Attraction, chemistry, career choices, religion, and desire for children are important areas of potential compatibility, but you also need to look deeper to the emotional and personal characteristics that form the deeper foundation for these trait. For example, look for someone who is not only a member of your religion but someone who is spiritual and active in applying the religion to his/her life, or someone who is not just thin but cares about being fit and maintaining healthy living practices. Such scrutiny is important. Someone who is a doctor but acts unethically will not remain a doctor for long, and someone who is thin now but has poor self-control overall may not be thin for long. Situations and circumstances change during a lifetime, but character and personality traits will generally remain the same.

“Once you have defined the qualities you desire, remember to prioritize them with a top five that are non-negotiable and the last five being qualities that are important but perhaps works in progress—meaning the person already values and is working on such qualities before they start dating you.

“Complementary to creating this list, you’ll need to also identify less attractive qualities or problems that you could accept. No one is perfect. You may find someone who has the qualities you are looking for from your top-ten list but he/she may also have thinning hair, a gummy smile, a chronic illness, depression, anxiety, child abuse issues, children from a previous marriage, etc. This is not settling; settling is compromising on your top-ten list. If you start now to recognize and accept some issues as being acceptable (versus the ones that are unacceptable), you will be more realistic, wise, and mature during the dating process. After all you’re no perfect either.”

Category:
1 - Single again, 2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 4 - Avoid Common traps, Must-know techniques for men
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Join the conversation! 5 Comments

  1. I love how you help the singles out there keep going…..I refer many of my clients to your website.

    Reply
  2. […] I hope these articles clarify what you are doing wrong and how you can change this pattern. You would also be wise to create a Top 10 List, click here to learn how. […]

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  3. […] make a Top 10 list of qualities you want in a partner (for a short article about the Top 10 List, click here – the dating-coach program comes with a detailed handout to assist you with this, men click […]

    Reply
  4. I took the advice from above and made my own Top 10 list and would like some feed back and maybe laugh with me at some of the things I’ve put on here that I do want but love to enjoy the fun of finding a person to marry. 🙂
    1.Relationship with God
    Attends the temple
    Attends church weekly unless sick or another commitment
    Tries to read and pray every day
    Attends institute
    2. Financially Responsible
    No debt or a plan that he follows to get out of debt
    Frugal and able to splurge on special times in life
    Great work ethic
    Loves his work or enjoys working to support his family
    3. Desires for Family
    Wants to be a father and instant father
    Loves his own family
    Desire to understand my relationship with my ex
    4. Loves to be Healthy
    Enjoys working out for the feeling not for the weight loss
    Loves to enjoy and experience good food
    Seeks out healthy food
    Has a dark side too, slips chocolate or chips in the closet to snack on later
    5. Has a Hobby
    Great with his hands, can build or repair
    Something he can get passionate about
    6. Desire to Learn
    He has an opinion, but can let me have one too
    He can carry on a conversation
    He can listen without giving an opinion but will be there for me when I need him
    7. Desire for Betterment
    Wants to be better than what he was the day before
    Asks others how he can be better or asks other if he can do more for them Charitable and Kind
    He loves himself and loves those around him
    Wants the best for his family, comfortable home, reliable car, great education for children
    8. Seeks to be Happy
    He loves a good joke
    He can poke fun at himself and also others in a kind way
    Has a great relationship with his friends
    9. Accepting and Understanding
    He knows he’s not perfect and understands others aren’t either
    He loves and appreciates the little things
    10. Being Clean is Important
    He takes care of his property
    He loves the smell of fresh laundry
    He enjoys being organized

    Reply

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