As I was trying to make my list of fears (which Alisa recommends and describes in detail in her workbook), I really wanted someone to discuss them with. Fortunately, Lili was available and we were able to spend some quality time working out what we are afraid of. As we each went through the lists in the workbook, we felt the same way about most of the lists, but there were a few that surprised us. This made me realize that, many times, things that we think are obvious weaknesses probably go unnoticed by most people.
We were able to come up with a pretty long list of fears. I won’t take the time or space to list them all, but a few of mine included:
- Fear that I need others to like me to feel okay
- Fear of rejection
- Fear that something is wrong with me
- Fear of being ignored or forgotten
- Fear of hurting others’ feelings
Putting these fears into words was a little scary because it seemed to make them more real. But talking them through with Lili was such a great help. As we talked about each one, we would laugh about how much it applied to us and tell some story to illustrate it. This made all of the fears seem less serious and more conquerable. We continued the conversation later by talking about the truths or beliefs that will help us to overcome these fears (again the workbook provided long lists of truths we could put our faith in). After really searching my soul and feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of my fears, it was wonderful to list the truths that would help set me free from these fears and then destroy the fears by burning the paper I’d written them on.
Once again, I won’t list all the truths I chose to have faith in, just my favorites:
- The kind of person I’m looking for is looking for someone like me. They will see me for what I have to offer and will respond to and invest in me.
- When I am with someone who is emotionally mature, I can be vulnerable, imperfect, and make mistakes, and still be accepted, valued, and loved.
- Sometimes I will feel and appear foolish, but most people don’t notice or care. They are too busy thinking about themselves, their lives, and/or worrying about what others are thinking of them.
- With God, all things are possible.
Doesn’t reading through those truths just make you feel so much more powerful and confident?
As Lili and I talked about these truths, we also talked about how to implement them in our lives. It’s one thing to say them and another to let them change your life. So we decided that our main focus is to be more positive about dating, men, friends, work, etc. Use these truths to push out negativity and to create stronger faith, peace, and happiness inside. Applying these truths can truly change lives. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be pain or sorrow or tears, but it does put them in their place and help us maintain perspective.
This week I’m going to try to use these truths anytime I’m experiencing doubt or a lack of confidence. I am choosing to overcome my fears and to replace them with faith. I hope you will do the same.
Join me in my efforts. Do what I have done and then write me about how it worked.
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