Q– My underlying thoughts and questions are:
- Maybe I don’t understand her; maybe it is my technique and if I approached this situation differently I could resolve her concerns and we could move forward.
- Maybe she is waiting for “the one,” and no matter what I do I will not compare to the ideal guy in her mind (I am not perfect, but am willing to stand by her no matter what . . . but I don’t know if I can compete with a mental image of perfection).
- Maybe it is the chase and I am attracted to not being able to be accepted by her (i.e. the challenge). I have feelings for her but cannot count this out as a possible answer . . . but if it is true, how do I accept this emotionally . . . because it is my emotions that keep me interested her . . .
Let me know . . . maybe you have already had a guy who’s had this concern.
A– Of the three options, I think the answer is 2 and 3. I don’t think she will do what it takes to invest in you and really make a relationship work. I also think that because you can’t have her you want and long for her more (this conclusion was drawn from facts he shared but which I chose to edit out to preserve his and her privacy). I suggest you first begin the healing process by grieving and letting her go. Write a good-bye journal each night. At the beginning of each journal entry, write, “It is what it is. We will never be together. I need to say good-bye,” then write your thoughts and feelings to help you start the process of saying good-bye. I also recommend that every time you think of her you repeat this phrase again.Let me know if I can be of more help, but this is not a technique issue. After 2 and 1/2 years, nothing you do is going to change her mind. The only thing that will change it is her continuous and exerted sacrifice and investment in you and the relationship, which it doesn’t seem she is doing or offering.
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