If you can’t answer these questions, then you will wander aimlessly through the dating process, will experience repeated loss, will not attract the kind of people you really want to be with or, worse yet, will not appreciate them if you do meet them.
You need a top-10 list of what you’re looking for. It needs to be prioritized with the top five being non-negotiable. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t have these top five qualities, you will know that you’re settling. The last five qualities are important and need to be something that you can tell the other person values and is working on, but they are not as essential as the top five. Once you create this list and start looking for those who have these qualities, you’ll begin to find them because you’ll be watching for those traits rather than just for attractive faces. Doing this increases your focus on, attention to, appreciation for, and faith in the kind of person you’re looking for, which also increases the attention you receive from these types of people because that focus and openness changes your demeanor.
If you journal about those people you see (young, old, married, and single) who have the qualities on your top-10 list, you will begin to have more faith and confidence in your ability to find someone who has the qualities on your list. Include in your journal how people with these qualities seem to manage their lives, relationships, and problems. This will help you to create a mental picture of how a single man or woman might do the same, thus increasing the odds that you will recognize them as well. Journal about this until you have identified at least ten people who fit your top-10 list. If you think there can’t be ten people out there who have these qualities, your lack of faith and awareness of others is part of your problem. Again, believing is seeing. You need to change your beliefs or you will never see what is right before you.”
The quote above is an excerpt from the It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique dating system, chapter 1—”You can be right OR you can be effective.”
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