Single again?

You rarely hear married people saying, “I wish I was still out there, dating, experiencing rejection and suffering frequent loneliness. Boy! I sure miss those days.”

Not surprisingly, you may not be excited about being single again with all of it’s doubt, vulnerability, and loneliness. But don’t despair. There is a way to find lasting love.

The first thing men and women need to know about being single again, is watch out! You are vulnerable (especially if you haven’t taken a year off after a major breakup, divorce, or loss of a spouse).  A potentially abusive and manipulative person can see your emotional vulnerability and will likely prey on your emotions to create dependency and will exploit your financial stability.  This “amazing” new relationship will quickly turn into a nightmare if you don’t know what warning signs to look for (men and women alike can refer to chapters 2–6 of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man to identify the potentially abusive and manipulative in three dates).

Second, your first relationship (even if you take time off) will likely mirror your worst relationship.  Map out the early warning signs (both within your behavior and the other person’s behaviors) that tell you that you are getting back into a bad relationship pattern (refer to chapter 7 of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man).  Once you see these early warning signs in the new relationship, choose to end all contact with that person. Doing this will send an unconscious message to others that you are ready for a new and better relationship.  Stay vigilant in your efforts to recognize these warning signs.

Remember that it is not enough to know what you don’t want.  If you are to find what you are looking for, you must know what you do want and how to recognize it when you see it. Be specific about what you are looking for.  Break it into a top-10 list, with the top 5 being non-negotiable.  Have faith that you can and will have the opportunity to marry the kind of person you are looking for. Be the kind of person that the person you described would be looking for.

When dating (as long as the person you are dating does not have the warning signs described in chapter 5 of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man), enjoy the first three to six weeks of dating.  Try not to over think the process. Just practice your dating skills so you will be better prepared for a good relationship when you see it.

Stop dating someone after three to six weeks if they do not match your top-10 list. When dating someone who does match your top-10 list, invest more fully in the relationship and in them.  You cannot develop love, passion, or chemistry if you do not fully engage in the relationship.

Women should match the man’s investment but not exceed it (if he calls three times, be sure to call him once or twice but not more often than he is calling).  Men, invest in her. Sacrifice for the relationship. The more deeply you sacrifice, the more deeply you will love.

(For women who want more specific dating advice and tips, refer to chapters 8 –17 of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man.)


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