Does this relationship have a chance for lasting success and happiness?
Is there a history of any of the following?
- secretive behavior
Some relationships can be repaired after such traumatic injuries. Some cannot!
If you are in a relationship with someone who has a history of lying, cheating, manipulating, substance abuse, acting controlling, or being downright abusive, you know you are not in a secure and emotionally mature relationship, at least not right now.
It’s that eternal sense of hope that the other person will change that keeps you going. But will that change really come? Will it last?
Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man helps you distinguish between those men who are likely to act abusive and manipulative and those men who are likely to act emotionally mature as they resolve their problems (as evidenced by their skills of empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility).
If the man or woman you are dating seems to
- blame everyone else for his/her mistakes, problems, or weaknesses (lack of personal responsibility);
- get angry, blaming, shaming, rejecting, or belittling when you share your feelings or needs with him/her (lack of empathy); or
- do little more than talk about wanting to change (lack of self-control);
you can be assured that they do not have the emotional maturity to truly abandon their behaviors. They will not understand how they have hurt you (at least not beyond words). And they will likely do it again.
Chapters 3, 4, 5, and appendices a and b of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man are dedicated to helping you understand, develop, and expect these important skills in your relationships. Marital relationships can be immensely rewarding when you are with someone who has these skills and excruciatingly difficult (or dangerous) when you are with someone who does not.
So if you are in a relationship with someone who has lied, cheated, manipulated, or abused you and they do not have these skills, get out. They are probably not emotionally mature. If they are emotionally mature and have had an unusual lapse in judgment by committing one of these violations to the relationship (not as a pattern but as a single incident), then they should be willing to:
- get counseling
- read books
- focus on you and your feelings about their behavior
- change their behavior
- earn your trust
over a period of four to six months (at a minimum). If they can’t or won’t do at least that much to repair the damage they have caused in the relationship, then you have your answer: “You should go!”
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