I was 39 and had never been married when I found Alisa. I had been engaged before and had been in several relationships, but it had been a long time—about 4 or 5 years—since I had even been on a date.
My adventure in dating coaching began just before Christmas in December 2008 and came to the happiest of conclusions when I was married in October of 2009. As I look back over the past year, it is hard to believe I have gone from the point of feeling completely hopeless about dating and ever finding someone to marry, to being VERY HAPPILY married to a GOOD man! I am 100% certain that I would not be where I am today without Alisa and without APPLYING the principles and practices of her Dating-Coach program. Following are some of the aspects of the program that made the biggest difference for me.
I began in December of 2008 by attending Alisa’s Dating-Coach workshops. At the time, they were held every two weeks and I did attend faithfully. At first, everything presented in the workshops was new to me and I listened and took a lot of notes. After a while, I began to feel like I had heard certain things that had come up before, and I wondered if I was wasting my time, BUT then the payoff came. I would be out at a social event or on a date or even simply talking with a friend, and I would hear Alisa’s voice in my head, like she was a little angel on my shoulder talking me through a situation. My mannerisms, words, and actions suddenly seemed to flow naturally, and I would find myself responding with confidence and in a way that brought different results than ever before.
DATING GAME SECRETS FOR MARRYING A GOOD MAN
I also took the time to read Alisa’s book, Dating Game Secrets for Marrying A Good Man. The book was very helpful. I especially appreciated the BE-SAFE section of the book and learning how to avoid abusive and manipulative relationships. I recommend the book to everyone! Although it wasn’t a part of Alisa’s coaching program, I did also read Steve Harvey’s, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. It was great to have a male perspective in the coaching process. I felt it really complimented everything Alisa was teaching and reinforced one of the MOST IMPORTANT aspects of the Dating-Coach program—defining the roles of women and men in relationships. More in the next section . . .
THE 17 SECRETS TO THE MALE AND FEMALE PSYCHOLOGY
For me, this was one of the BIGGEST factors in my newfound success in dating and relationships. This was because I did not realize how often I was stepping out of my role as a woman and slipping into the man’s role of the pursuer. Also, it helped me to see how my tendency to be independent in my life was getting in the way of letting me have the relationship of my dreams. I realized I had many behaviors that actually turn men off. I would set goals to practice using these secrets every week. For example, one of the secrets to the male psychology is that men love and need to be the hero. I would set a goal to make at least one man a day feel like a hero in my life. I used this on my dad and my brothers and my co-workers AND eventually my dates. It was really a stretch for me because I am so independent. I still use these “secrets” and set goals for myself in my marriage. My husband needs and wants to be my hero too, and it is a way I can remind myself to be the woman he married. I recommend mastering the 17 Secrets to EVERYONE!
HAVING FAITH IN THE GOOD-FAITH EFFORT
Another one of the biggest factors in my newfound dating and relationship success was being willing to put forth a good-faith effort. As I was going through the dating process I did not want to be online. Alisa advised me, “Amy, you don’t know how God has designed for you to meet someone. This is simply your good-faith effort.” So I followed Alisa’s advice. She helped me create an online profile that I put on several sites (just for fun), and then I asked God to bless my good faith efforts, to please bring my profile to the attention of GOOD men, and that THEY would contact ME. I did not do a single online search. Thanks to the 17 Secrets, I could remember that it’s not my job as a woman to pursue. I let the men come to me! If I received a flirt or a message I would then review their profiles and, if it seemed we had similar interests, values, and goals . . . AND if they didn’t creep me out . . . I would play my role and respond with a friendly, flirty, brief e-mail reply. I know it sounds crazy, but this works! It’s how I met my wonderful husband! Sure there were a few jerks in the mix and I had some weeding out to do. It was about continuing to put forth my good-faith effort—even if it was very small. My good-faith efforts were to get online, to attend singles events, to practice flirting techniques at the grocery store, and to continue with the Dating-Coach program even when (especially when) I was feeling frustrated about the dating game. Make a good-faith effort. Ask God to bless your good-faith effort.
NINE DATES BY 09/09/09
In April, I set a goal with Alisa during an individual coaching session (I STRONGLY RECOMMEND the individual coaching sessions) to have 9 dates by 9-9-09. This was actually a real stretch for me, and I wondered if I could even accomplish this. To my surprise I actually began dating. Of course, not every date was a great experience, but Alisa coached me to set goals for each date that helped to keep my confidence up even if the date was disappointing. For example, one of my goals was to end the date first and to leave him on a high note. This allowed me to feel confident and in control of how the night was, and I was able to avoid that awkward, too-long lingering moment on my dates. Plus, it helped me to count the date as a success when in the past I would have been in despair about the outcome.
HE WAS JUST PRACTICE
I DON’T REMEMBER HOW MANY DATES I HAD BEEN ON WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND . . . I might have been halfway to my goal. I did meet him online. We joke about this now, but he was just PRACTICE for me. At first he just seemed like another average guy. GOOD men—the BEST men—most often are! Through dating coaching I learned how to recognize a good man, and he seemed like he would be one, so I thought, maybe I can at least get a date out of this and get a little closer to accomplishing my goal. And as they say, “The rest is history!” But that story will have to wait for another day.
I could go on and on and on about the Dating-Coach program and how it has blessed my life—not just in dating but in all my relationships. I hope my experiences help you as well. I am confident that if you choose to apply the concepts from the Dating-Coach program as well that you will find success. Good luck and God bless your good-faith efforts.
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