Get his attention, affection, and commitment

Unfortunately, a woman may mistakenly believe that

  • If she walks across the room to meet him, he’ll be more interested in her;
  • If she is excessively and easily available, he’ll want her;
  • If she is his friend, he’ll eventually fall in love with her;
  • If she takes care of him, he’ll appreciate her;
  • If she provides sex, he’ll commit to her;
  • And much more.
These common mistakes contribute to early rejection as well as the just-friends and good-for-now trap. A woman who wants a good man’s attention, affection, and commitment needs to learn the secrets that will capture his interest and encourage his investment in her.
5 must-know secrets for snagging a good man:
  1. He likes the challenge of pursuing you, especially when you act feminine, soft, warm, and loving. He likes to compete, conquer, succeed, and face challenges; thus, he enjoys a relationship more when he feels like the pursuer rather than the pursued. A warm, flirtatious smile with brief eye contact is often enough to bring him across the dance floor, library, park, or more. If you give him lots of warmth, make your interest known, and avoid lingering in the conversation too long, he’ll feel intrigued by your confidence and eager to get your number so he can discover more about you and take you on a date.
  2. He needs your faith and trust in him and in his competence. Show your faith and trust in him, and in his ability to play his role by being happy, busy, and confident. Remind yourself that if he is interested, he will call and he will pursue you. Believe in his ability to know what he wants and to pursue it. Don’t waste your time analyzing his issues and how to heal them. Trust that he is man enough to do that for himself.
  3. Sacrificing for you (not getting sex) makes him love you. Sacrifice is deeply connected to love. If you are excessively available, eager to please, quick to meet his needs, and reluctant to express your feelings or needs, you will deny him the opportunity to sacrifice for you. This will turn him off to you and the relationship due to your lack of faith and trust in him, while also preventing him from developing a deep love for you.
  4. He won’t pursue commitment if he doesn’t feel like a success in the relationship. He feels like a success in the relationship when you show him you need him, when you express appreciation, when he feels like your hero, and when he can see that his meeting your needs makes you happy. He appreciates your feelings, opinions, and needs, but he  prefers to hear your complaints stated in loving, positive ways that don’t include criticism, nagging, and whining.
  5. He needs to express his feelings and feel your respect for them if he is to remain passionate about you and the relationship. Men have feelings too. If a man doesn’t express negative feelings or says no sometimes, he will stow away his more passionate, personal, and intimate feelings. A good man will do his duty, go through the motions, and try to forgive in order to keep the relationship going, but if you want him to be passionate about you, you will need to understand and respect his feelings and sometimes accept a no without getting upset.


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3 thoughts on “Get his attention, affection, and commitment

  • Just recently I met a guy at a singles dance/boat activity. I immediately could tell that he was interested in me by the way he followed two steps behind me for a good majority of the time, teased me on simple mistakes I made, closed the distance between us when we stood side by side talking and even went down to the lower floor of the boat to get his coat for me to wear when I started to feel cold. During this time that I was with him, I made a big effort to use a lot of your techniques- I made him feel like the hero, showed a lot of femininity towards him, and made him feel appreciated and that I trusted his abilities. After the dance, he asked me to do something and I said that I would love to go do something with him and it was by this time that I started to like him too. By the time he and I parted, I gave him my number and he called my phone to give me his. We came to decide together that we wanted to do something next Friday. He then asked me when he could call me and I told him whenever is ok with me. He said he was starting to plan dinner and was to going to ask his sister where the best dinning spots in town were, since he and his family just moved in town a month before.
    My questions, Alissa, are these:
    -First, does this guy show enough interest in me to make me more than his pal?
    Does he show signs that he wants to pursue things in the future with me?
    -Second, did I do the right thing in telling him that he was allowed to call me when
    he wants before our first date? When should I expect to hear from him?
    -Lastly, how can I make the first date a success that will help me get asked for a
    second or many more dates in the future?
    Thanks for all your help and I look forward to your response!


    • First, you are doing great and reading the signs well.
      Second, you did fine by telling him he could call whenever and if he sees you as being on his A List he will call within two to seven days (and within two weeks if you are on his B List).
      Third, just focus on the goal of making him feel great, having fun, and practicing your techniques. That should be enough to encourage the process.

      I hope this helps. Good luck,

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