“When is it okay for a woman to make the first move?” – Q & A

I really enjoyed your book and your insights. It the most helpful dating book I’ve found so far! I have a few questions.

Q – You talk about that it is smart for women to wait for men to make the first move. What if there is a particular guy you would like to date, but don’t see that often? If you don’t see them a lot anymore, there’s not a lot of opportunity to have him decide he wants to date you.

What is a way you can suggest to him you’d like to spend time with him in that situation without breaking the rules? What would you suggest? Do you just assume if he hasn’t asked you out already, he’s not interested and move on? What is an appropriate way to find out if a guy you like is dating someone without being nosy or prying?

Ha Ha. As you can see, I have some dating issues now. Thanks! A

A – Dear A,

In answer to your question, here is an excerpt from my latest book I am working on. I think it answers your question.

When saying goodbye, be sure to error on the side of being more warm and expressive rather than too cool and distant or overly aggressive and pushy. For example, “Have a good day. It was nice meeting you” is too cool and distant. “Let me give you my number. Let’s do something this weekend, like dinner or something” is too aggressive and pushy.

Warm and expressive looks more like a gentle touch, a warm smile, a tilt of the head as you prepare to leave (which you demonstrate by grabbing your purse), and then looking him in the eyes and saying with a coy smile, “You are so sweet. I would really like to spend more time with you. I’d love you to call me sometime.”

Finish this technique by smiling, immediately turning, walking away, and then looking back again to say, “Good-bye,” with a gentle-fingered wave. Keep your shoulders square and your posture confident. Say to yourself, “If he is interested he will stop and ask for my number. The kind of man I am looking for will definitely invest enough in me to get my number.” You left him with a challenge. He is either going to act on it or he is not.

In the event that he is not interested, this approach helps him avoid that awkward moment where he has to come up with an excuse or fake interest by asking for your number or making promises he will never keep. This technique leaves the ball in his court. Don’t forget, you played your role. If he doesn’t pursue you, someone else will. You are worth it.

I hope this technique helps. The manuscript of my new book has lots of new material that is not in the first one. Being in the coaching program allows you early access to it. Let me know if I can be of help. You can also call me at (801) 447-6000.

Good luck,



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