Tips for managing the first few dates – Q & A


Q – Thank you for speaking at the YSA Summit this past weekend. I enjoyed the class I attended (your second hour). Would you be willing to give a follow-up tip? I asked for a girl’s number after the Fireside on Sunday, left her a voice mail on Monday, and was able to talk with her on Tuesday. I asked if she liked to go to concerts or plays, and she did, so I asked her out for tonight. Today when she let me know that she was able (and excited!) to go, I asked that if she wanted some dessert afterward, would she pick a place where she’d like to go. She must have been in your class too, because she immediately knew what I was doing and pointed out that I was doing what was taught in class.

So now what? We really didn’t get in the class about what to do after leaning forward and back, flirting, and getting the date. What specific steps can I take during, at the end of, or after the date to help create some spark or romance?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

A – Just do what comes natural for the most part, except pace your efforts so that you don’t call more than three times a week (at first). Ask her to participate (whether she comments on it or not her response or lack thereof will say a lot) and just have fun. The kind of girl you are looking for will help to make the first six weeks fun and enjoyable. She will invest in making it a good experience for you as well. I know this advice comes after the date, so I hope the date went well, but I hope the additional advice also helps. Remember to keep your other dating options open too, because even if your techniques are flawless you may still not be seeing her in six weeks.

Good luck. Let me know how it works out. Alisa Goodwin Snell


I actually received your email before the date started! I took her to a play, which she loved. The date itself was just okay, but it got better on the way “home” when I asked her “Do you always look this good when you go to work?” I had picked her up from work. She replied, “No. Do you always look this sharp when you go to work?”

I later asked her out again, but she already had plans. I think I was able to respond to that in a good way.

Thanks to your class, I also complimented a girl last Sunday for being strong — the strength of character strong. I think that took her aback, but she appreciated the compliment.

Friday I went out with a girl who I met at the Summit, Sara. Saturday evening of the Summit I had discreetly followed her into the building then walked by her. She called out my name, so I talked with her. I decided to try out your suggestion, so occasionally I would lean slightly back or take a small step away from her with one foot. I’m pretty sure that after a while I noticed her leaning in. And when I would reverse my actions, she didn’t back away. It was a fun experiment!

Our date Friday, I think went really well. I called on Saturday and left her a message to call me. She hasn’t called back yet, so I’ll try again tomorrow or Tuesday.

Do you have something specific I can do or say on our next phone call and date?

Hope all is well.

A – Sounds like you are doing well. All you need to focus on is acting strong and confident while staying in pursuit of what you want – this deepens your sacrifices while you play your role. It also increase the reality that you will love more deeply when you find a women who appreciates your investments and sacrifices. Only give the best of you to those who invest in you – but in the mean time, continuing to pursue women shows God you are doing your part, playing your role, and sacrificing for a relationship. He will match your efforts and help you progress.

Please keep me updated. I would love to post your comments and questions on my website (if that is okay)? I always change the names and any identifying information to protect your privacy and your dates privacy as well.

Good luck, Alisa


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