The 7 – 11 Rule for getting your needs met

Q – “You mentioned the 7 to 11 rule in the Boot Camp manual. What is it?”   Jane

A – The 7 to 11 rule is explained in my book as well if you want to look there for more details. But basically it is asking (not nagging, complaining, or reminding) a man or woman to do something you need 7 to ll times. The first three times he/she may not understand or remember your need (like a desire to get flowers); however if you continue to persist without getting mad or making him/her feel rejected he/she will definitely remember and meet your need by the fifth time and certainly no later than the seventh time. However, a person who is potentially abusive and manipulative (in both a passive or aggressive way) will not do it even by the eleven time (or if they do it they will only do it with resentment, expectations, or some other form of retaliation).

So the point is, have faith in a man’s goodness that even though men will often take a little while to understand and meet some of your needs (because men and women are so different and he doesn’t automatically understand a woman’s needs) with consistency and persistence through ongoing loving requests that express your faith that he cares about your needs, he will meet them.

To do this simply lean over, touch him, and say, “I trust you and the goodness of your heart and I know that you care about my needs and want to meet my needs. Would you please do _____ for me (buy me flowers sometime, help me with a project some time next week, take me to my favorite restaurant for my birthday, etc.)? It would really mean a lot to me.”  Then, give him a little time to remember and do the thing you asked.

If he forgets, use the same technique again in a couple of weeks (or sooner if the issue is time sensitive). Do not mention the previous conversation. Just make the request again. He may not even remember the first time you mentioned (don’t be offended).

Continue making the request in a loving way. If he is a good man, he will definitely take action by the third to fifth time you say it.

I hope that helps. Good luck,


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