Recently a friend recommended your book to me and it changed my life! Thank you so much for writing this book. It was exactly what I needed, and the advice really does work. I am dating a ton more than I ever have and I’m having a blast doing it. I’m just a little lost on how to work some things out. So anything you can give me will be great…

Question #1. I love dating, and I love meeting new people but for some reason I get really bad anxiety right before I go on a date … but the sad thing is every time I come home I’ve always had a blast. Is there any advice you could give me to fix this? I just don’t understand why I always have to worry?

A – Repeat when you feel anxious before going on a date, “God has a plan for me. For now and during the first six weeks of dating I just need to focus on the goal of having fun, making others feel great, and practicing my techniques.” This should help to reduce your anxiety while redirecting your attention to the things you need to do. Remember to take deep full breaths to also help reduce your anxiety.

Question #2. So say I went on a couple dates with the same kid and I find out that he’s not really what I’m looking for (doesn’t match my top 10) but he is a really good guy? how would I go about not dating him without hurting his feelings/our friendship if that possible?

A – The number one need of a man is to feel that you have faith and trust in him, so if he asks you out again, show warmth and femininity as you respond by saying, “You have treated me with such respect and been a true gentleman. I just don’t feel that kind of connection, but I am so flattered and grateful to you. You are a class act.” Then end the conversation and walk away repeating in your mind, “He is a man. He is strong and capable. He will be fine.” This shows you have faith and trust in him and his strength. To say nothing, to avoid his calls, to hint around that you are dating someone else (when you aren’t) would be saying you don’t trust that he is strong and confident enough to handle the truth. This is a conflicting way to treat a man. Telling him “you don’t feel that kind of connection” is the only way to truly treat him like a man and you have faith in him.

Question #3. How long would you say it takes for someone to really know for sure if they like someone?

A – If he fits your top 10 list just keep dating him for at least six weeks. This gives you an opportunity to practice your skills with the kind of people who you are trying to attract. And gives the relationship a little time to develop and grow. If you like being with him and are excited about seeing him most the time, than you are normal. One of the signs of a good man is that you don’t feel a desperate love, attraction, or need for their approval. You want to be with them but you don’t always feel compelling feelings, sometimes you even feel indifferent (until you see them again and the chemistry comes back). As long as you feel an attraction and chemistry with him most the time you should be fine. If that switches and you feel repulsed most the time, stop seeing him.

Question #4. Sometimes I worry I get to picky! You see I love reading romance novels and for so long that’s the idea that I’ve had in my head of what love is. Any words of wisdom on that?

A – Here is a simply diagnosis. If you are in love with the Twilight series you need a real reality check. Those books are full of compulsive love stories and dynamics that no emotionally mature man would support or create. Instead you will be more attracted to the abusive and manipulative who crave and create the kind of drama and intensity that is embodied in those books. Reality with these kinds of men does not include a happy ending. Books and movies usually fly contrary to reality.  Let me know if this is the case, that you love the Twilight series.

Alisa

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Category:
2 - Flirting & Pursuing, 6 - Building the relationship
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