Q – “His technique stinks. He calls at the last-minute, talks negative about dating, shows no chivalry, and seems to disappear if I get too excited about him. What should I do?”

A – Wouldn’t it be so nice to smile and say, “Hey dude. Your technique stinks.” Instead, I recommend that you just trust that he will hear and find what he needs for success from someone else.

If he does ask you out again say, “I would love to go on a date with you but I can’t tonight. How about Friday night instead?” or you will set yourself up for the good-for-now trap. Then while on the date, if he starts acting negative about relationships change the subject and if he keeps coming back to it state, “It seems like you aren’t feeling too hopeful about dating and relationships. I really don’t know what to say or do when you talk about this. I think you are a great guy. Let’s just have fun and take your mind off of your past for a while.”  – – – or something like that. Just a thought. The point is if you say something he might clue in to what he is doing.

In terms of when to ease up on the rules, you need to use your discretion based on an individual situation; however, too much easing up will just land you in the “just” friends, good-for-now or too-nice traps. So be carefully.

If he is a quite and shy guy, if you warmly say, ” I would love to do that another night. How about Friday” he should follow-up with you and schedule the date. Trust that men are men and they know how to pursue what they want when they really want it. Guys will resolve their issues without our intervention. Play your role and trust that he knows how to play his and will play it – or someone else will.

Keep flirting with three guys on a regular basis and you will feel less anxiety about some of these issues.

And, when on a first or second date if you think a guy will worry you are too into him and back off, touch him on the arm and warmly say at the end of the date, “I had a lot of fun. I am dating others as I am sure you are to, but I would love to keep having fun and just see where this goes.” You may think there is no need to mention that you are dating others, but it is amazing how much those four words can take the pressure off, especially when they are followed by “Let’s keep having fun and see where this goes.” This works really well with the guys who tend to over-think things, especially if you act really warm and feminine, lean forward, give compliments, and touch him briefly throughout the date. If you act cool and mysterious during the date, he isn’t going to call again for that reason not because you said you are dating others.  This technique often takes a little encouraging before people will try it. But if you get it right it works like a charm.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

Alisa

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