I suggest you say to him, “I know I will not abandon my husband’s or my own sexual needs in marriage; however, the only way I can show or prove this to you is as we develop a relationship in time. Only then will you will see that I consistently hear, invest, and engage in meeting your needs and that I am proactive about handling my problems. These are the two qualities that are essential to successful relationships, both emotionally and sexually. If in time you see this empathy and care for your feelings along with a pattern to take action to resolve problems, you will be able to if sexual issues arise in marriage I won’t forgot your needs and I won’t deny or ignore the problem, just as I didn’t forget your feelings or ignore problems while dating. I have strong religious and moral values, which means I can not be sexual with you before marriage. I need you to respect my needs as well. If in time you decide to trust how I handle my life and you, I believe you will have confidence that I will be a good wife, inside and outside of the bedroom. This is all the assurance I can give you.”
If this is not enough for him and he wants sexual contact to increase his confidence than he is manipulating you and acting selfishly, which was probably a complaint of his wife’s as well.
I hope this answers your question. Keep to your values. Trust God and the process and you will be protected from many varieties of manipulations and abusive relationships.
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