Wow, where do I start. This chapter was very helpful for anyone like me who might be shy around men, especially men whom I am interested in. Make Them Feel Great, is an excellent response to stepping outside of oneself and focusing on the needs of the other person. Now, don’t get me wrong I am very kind to people (men and women alike) and look for ways to make others feel good about themselves often. However, when it comes to men I would want to date, I have a lot of fear, which affects the way I let my feelings be known or even better . . . shown. This chapter has given me understanding of the male psychology and their need for trust and respect. It also outlines ways to work through the fear, especially in the goal setting section. It also gives techniques/examples for flirting within the woman’s role and defines clearly what the men’s and women’s roles are. Most of Alisa’s writings are faith oriented and how to have faith in ourselves, in men and in God. – Thanks.
Thanks for putting on the class. I believe I’ve picked up a few things that will help me out. Near the beginning of class last week you mentioned the keys to appearing confident even in the face of rejection. I didn’t have a chance to come up and speak with you afterward due to some personal commitments. Would it be possible for you to email me a quick overview? Thanks in advance.
No problem.Here is a link to an article in my Sept. 2008 newsletter that partially address the rejection plan, called “Does she like me. How do I know”, click here.
I have also pasted this information from another section on my website. It also refers to the rejection plan (to view the whole article, click here):
* Imagine approaching a woman and she tells you she is not interested.
* Envision your body language being strong, confident, and cool.
* See yourself asking her for her number and she says, “I am sorry but I am not interested.”
* As you respond to this, envision yourself squaring your shoulders, looking her in the eyes, and smiling at her (perhaps with your hands in your pocket while assuming a casual body language).
* Imagine yourself saying something clever (not sarcastic), or at least imagine yourself saying, in a warm and confident tone, “Well it has been a pleasure talking with you. I hope you have a good day”.
* Once you can see this in your mind and not feel anxious about the experience, go out and approach a woman you would ‘kind of’ like to date (as a first step). Look forward to the possible rejection and how you will handle it. Trust that the experience will change how others perceive you. Trust that you will be changed by the experience as well. If you are rejected, great. If not, no problem.
* Then approach another woman, someone you would like to date (even more than the first). Anticipate rejection again, and so on. You will quickly discover, that when you expect rejection, plan on it, and then handle it well, you will experience very little of it.
I would just add a few details that aren’t discussed here. You look better to women when you handle rejection well. It makes you look strong and confident. Trust this. Expect rejection. Prepare for it. Stay cool by leaning on your backward foot and remembering to keep your chin forward and then ask for her number. Be prepared to say, “Wow. I really like it when a woman can say no. That shows a lot of personal strength. I hope you have a great day.” Smile and then walk away with your shoulders square and your chin forward. Trust that you are so much more attractive to her right now.
If you will look at this as practice and create the goal of approaching 3 women so you can start a conversation and then ask for their number hoping for 1 rejection, you will find you get very little rejection and a lot of numbers. How disappointing. Seriously. Because until you get the opportunity to handle rejection well you won’t be able to practice your new skills. So if you approach 3 women and don’t get 1 rejection, approach 2 more women (now a total of 5) hoping for 1 rejection. The goal is to look for that one rejection and handle it well, plus when you face your fears of rejection it becomes less frightening.
Let me know how this works out. I hope it helps. Men really do look strong and confident when they do these things (and so much more attractive and desirable).
Alisa Goodwin Snell
Utah’s Dating Coach